Page 10 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

Her boyfriend. It sinks in all over again that it’s not that she didn’t want to be in a relationship. It’s that she didn’t want to be in one with me. My fists clench under the table. “Sophie’s got a boyfriend too,” I stir the pot.

Apparently, I woke up today choosing violence.

“No.” She hesitates, pushing her green beans around her plate. “I don’t.” Her cheeks turn pink and her eyes flash to mine for only a split second before they shift back to her plate.

“Why aren’t you in a better mood, Soph?” I taunt, channeling all my misery into antagonizing so I don’t unsuccessfully beg her to take me back again. “Honeymoon phase shouldn’t be over yet.” The fire in her eyes reignites our ongoing battle.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” she snaps, mirroring her brother’s words but fueled with anger.

“Oh, so what? You’re just sleeping with him?”

Dean coughs, choking on his food.

Troy slaps me upside my head, but it’s not enough to snap me out of it.

My eyes are locked on Sophie’s as I watch tears well in them. She bites into her lip and blinks away the moisture. “No.” The lie comes out soft, but it hits me like a car running a red light and slamming into me. I blink, and it feels like I can see her clearly for the first time tonight. She slept with him. When the accusation flew out of my mouth, I didn’t think she actually had, but the way her eyes glossed over with guilt gave her away.

She slept with him. My stomach bottoms out. For no justifiable reason, I’m crushed like she cheated on me. I pull my gaze from hers to glare at my plate. I can hardly look at her. I can hardly think about touching her now that I know he has. It makes me sick to think every precious inch of her, the parts of her that she had always saved for me, are no longer mine.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Carter cuts me off before I can find a response. “I don’t know what is going on between you two,” he wiggles his finger between us as he holds his beer bottle, “but you’re best friends. And we are all family. And it’s Thanksgiving. No more hostility, no more moods, definitely no more talking about our precious little angel doing the deed. Everyone say what they are thankful for.” A collective groan leaves the four of us, and I try to wash the vision of Sophie and JT from my mind. “I’ll start. I’m thankful for my new job.” Carter had no desire to join the family business and wanted to “leave the nest,” so he took off for Nevada a couple of years ago and recently got his Master’s degree in Kinesiology. He was immediately offered a PT position for the athletic program at the college, so he’s not moving home. It’s part of why I feel so much pressure to follow in Dad’s footsteps. “I’m thankful all my hard work is paying off, and that I was still able to come home and visit you morons. Troy.”

We all glance at my best friend, expectantly and dreading our turn.

“I’m thankful to be part of this family,” Troy says the same thing he says every year, with a sincerity and level of gratitude that puts everything into perspective.

“Me too.” I squeeze his shoulder. “I’m also thankful for my friend,” I emphasize the incorrect term for the girl sitting next to me as I look at her, “making me cupcakes since I don’t like pie.” Even though I’ve lost my appetite completely.

She stares back, and the joke I made all of a sudden seems life or death–like if she didn’t do this it means it’s really the end of us. Once she was old enough to help her mom bake, cupcakes became their thing. For Christmas one year they made a batch of red velvet that was so good, I begged for them at Easter. Sophie has made them for every holiday since.

My forced grin fades. “You did, right?” I ask, hoping the concern making my stomach flip isn’t evident as I touch her shoulder. I pull back after my fingers barely brush her bare skin, instantly regretting the contact.

It feels like forever before she nods and a sigh of relief leaves me for more reasons than one. Confusion covers her face like she doesn’t understand its significance. “I’m thankful that Mom and Dad are taking us on vacation tomorrow and I get to leave here. I’m excited to explore Honduras with my brother.” She directs half a smile toward Dean.

“Me too,” Dean agrees. When it’s clear he doesn’t have anything else to add, Carter holds out his beer, and we all do the same, our drinks meeting in the middle of the table.

“To the people who will always be around no matter what shit life throws at us.”

Our glasses clink, and my eyes find Sophie’s. I wonder if she’s one of them.

Chapter six

SOPHIE

NOW

Pulling the crystal glass filled with spiked apple cider away from the cheers, I realize this is the first time I’ve had alcohol around my family. But I need it. Regret is probably too strong of a word. Even though I had already crossed have sex off my college bucket list, it feels like Cooper didn’t count, especially since I’m on a new passive aggressive mission to complete this list “right.” Chastity’s entire reasoning for the list in the first place was to get me out of my comfort zone, and everything with Cooper is comfortable–even when the tension between us is thick enough we would need the carving knife to cut through it.

Sleeping with JT a couple of nights ago was fun–not that I have more than the one other time to compare it to. I still wasn’t completely sure when I got to his house, but one drink led to another and then he kissed me and the night ended in sex. It was nothing compared to any intimate experience I’ve ever had with Cooper, and I felt guilty for thinking about him the entire time. JT seems interested in doing it again based on the texts he sent the next day, but I’m torn. I know he doesn’t want me to be his girlfriend, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep with someone consistently and not see them as my boyfriend. I also don’t think I could date anyone and not compare everything they do to Cooper–not expect from them everything I got while I was with Cooper. That’s part of why not dating until I’m ready to forgive him is part of the plan.

I eat my dinner in silence, successfully avoiding being roped into any conversation between the boys. The second my plate is clear, I leave the table, noting Cooper doesn’t even acknowledge me abandoning the seat next to him.

Entering the kitchen, I make my way to the small pile of dishes from the dinner prep. I managed to stay away all morning, claiming I needed to pack for our trip, but I can’t exactly eat and run on Thanksgiving. The dishes will have to suffice as a cover for me avoiding everyone for now.

The stream of hot water cascades off the plate in my hand into the stainless steel sink. Not bothering to turn the faucet off once the bubbles are gone, I turn to the dining room where the boys are still messing around at the table. My eyes lock on Cooper. His light brown hair is messy styled and the glow from the chandelier reflects off his bright blue eyes as a goofy grin lights his face. The light facial hair he’s had since he started college makes him look older than the picture of Cooper I have saved in my head, but I love it. It hits me how time keeps ticking by and the two of us are stuck in this forever moving wave that brings us back together and pushes us apart. I wonder if it’ll be like this forever, and I pray we’ll be on the right side when all is said and done.

Cooper glances my way like the pressure of my stare finally reminds him that I exist. Confusion furrows his brows, but it only lasts a second before his attention falls back to our brothers.

A new stack of plates clinks against the counter tile next to me.

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