Page 52 of The Trouble With Love

‘So I’ve decided to leave.’

I stopped, one hand still holding forks. ‘You’ve what? Where would you go?’ And then the horrible, sick-making spurt of relief, quickly covered by the plaster of despair, and if you go, what do I have left?

‘Look, Holl. I hate my life.’ Nick leaned over the back of the sofa, it made him look like a fey male model. ‘I’ve pretty well resigned myself to never being able to get a proper job round here. I can’t get away from myself, I’ll always be Mrs Grey’s difficult son, the one with the problems. If I go somewhere else I can start again.’

‘But, I repeat, where would you go?’

‘Peterborough.’

‘Peter . . .’ My voice was all squeaky. ‘What, you mean with Cerys?’

‘Yeah. We’ve been talking. On Facebook. She’s got a three-bedroomed flat, she needs a bit of help with the twins, she said I could stay with her in exchange for a bit of mother’s helping and doing housework and stuff like that. Maybe get a proper job eventually.’

‘But . . .’ I waved a fork weakly, ‘your meds?’

‘They have pharmacies in Peterborough. Doctors too. But, like you said, these new meds seem to be working out for me. I know I . . . up in Scotland things got a bit strange, but I didn’t take my stuff then.’

‘I’m just amazed that, as the new mother of twins, Cerys has had the time for all this chatting and hanging around on social media,’ I said, to distract him from another monologue on how, sometimes, he got the feeling that his drugs did nothing more than paralyse him and blunt his feelings. I’d sat through that explanation more times than I cared to remember.

‘Think Kai had the babies. He’s been staring at them a lot, she says. But, listen Holl. Things Cerys said make sense. About sometimes everyone needing a bit of help and nothing to be ashamed about and all that. And that all made me realise . . . I used to think that the meds evened me out too much, took off my edge, but now I know they make life easier for me. I like myself more when I’m on them. I won’t not take them again, Holl, I promise.’

‘Oh.’ It was all I could say. I could smell burning cheese.

‘So, Kai’s driving us down in a few days, when Cerys has got used to the twins. Thought I’d better tell you.’

‘Are you and Cerys . . . ?’

Nick grinned a wicked grin. It was such a ‘guy’ grin I had to smile back. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him do that before. ‘You’ve got a mucky mind, Holly Grey. Cerys and I are just mates. Friends.’ He shot me a furtive look. ‘Like you and Kai. No sex please, we’re too busy being busy.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Aw, come on. You stand a much better chance with Kai if I’m not around. I know he’s not a wanker, he’s a nice bloke, and . . . you can give him your full attention when you’re not worrying about me.’

‘And you think I won’t worry about you in Peterborough? It’s not the Other Side, Nicky, it’s only a hundred miles or so away.’

‘Yeah. Are we eating now? Those pizzas smell funny.’

I’d bent down to the oven when a thought struck me. ‘Oh my God. Nick.’

‘I told you they smelled funny.’

‘No. I . . . you and Cerys. Remember your wish? The one that I had to make for you when we did the spell?’

‘Think so, yes.’

‘You wanted a girlfriend. With enormous tits.’ We stared at one another, then started to laugh. ‘Well feeding twins is better than implants. And she’s a friend who happens to be a girl.’

‘I got my wish. And what about you, what did you wish for?’

‘I don’t even want to think about it right now.’ I plonked the pizzas onto the table.

‘Kai really likes you.’ Ignoring the cutlery, Nick picked up his slice of pizza in his fingers. ‘I’ve heard him talking to Cerys about you. Like he was really fond of you. And you like him, don’t you? Your eyes go all big when you look at him. And you stare at his groin a lot.’

‘He’s about nine foot tall, his groin is the only bit I can see without binoculars.’ I tore a massive bit of pizza off to cover my embarrassed confusion.

‘I’m going to miss you.’

And I’m looking into a big blank space where you’ve been for all those years. ‘Yeah, well I’ll miss you too.’

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