Page 47 of Blaze of Our Lives

“Never say never, Shitty Whore.” I reminded her of her words, thankful she hadn’t mentioned the endearments I’d used for her part in my spell. Maybe she’d missed those parts. “It’s bad luck, and we don’t need any of that.”

“Touché, friend.” She giggled.

Ugh. This wasn’t the time to clarify our relationship status, and frankly, I didn’t know if the time would ever come. I didn’t want to like Pandora. To paraphrase Mick Jagger, sometimes, we didn’t always get what we wanted.

“Well, if the spell works,” she said. “Who am I to say anything?”

“Exactly,” I snapped, still feeling edgy about my faux pas. I had bigger concerns, like, had the spell even worked? “Wait. How can we check it? I’m not going to rip off my arm or leg to test the success.”

“Can they see you right now?” she asked.

“No. Why?”

“Pick a spot. Not too far, but not too close. Take three steps and launch yourself toward your destination goal. We can test the flying.”

“I swear on my fire sword, if you’re messing with me and I end up with a mouth full of sand, I will kick your ass so hard when you are out of me it will replace your face,” I ground out.

She laughed. “Your insults are getting much better!”

I didn’t know whether to say thank you or screw you, so I didn’t say anything. The only good thing going on here was that she couldn’t see me. If it worked, she was truly a Goddess. If it failed, she was a dick.

With time running out before the game began, I did as she directed. Taking three steps forward, I dove toward the destination I’d chosen. I wished I’d been able to see the shock on my face as I soared through the air like a bird. The flight was majestic. The landing, not so much. I hit the sand hard enough I wouldn’t need to exfoliate for a year, but I didn’t care. I’d actually fucking flown! It had been a short but glorious trip.

“It worked!” I stood up and brushed the sand off my clothing. I was still flabbergasted.

“Excellent,” she said. “Your spell was appalling. I’m quite impressed but mostly stupefied that it succeeded.”

I was getting used to her insulting compliments. Strangely, they made me feel great. “I’m going to fly over that bridge.”

“Hell to the yes you are,” she said. “As of right now, I see the landmines and the spiked maze as the real problems.”

“Agreed,” I said as I made my way over to the starting line. “But if the flying worked, I might be able to use your arms and legs if I lose mine.” I paused and wrinkled my nose. “How am I going to give them back? I mean, when you come out of me, will you be missing appendages if I borrow them?”

“Why do you ask questions that give me gas?” she demanded. “I have no idea how it will shake down. I’ve not done anything remotely like this before.”

“Neither have I,” I said with a laugh of disbelief. “I guess we’ll just write the scene as we go.”

“Or the scene will write itself.”

“Nope,” I said. “You said to control the narrative. I say that everything will end up just fine and dandy.”

“Positive thinking will get you nowhere,” she muttered. “However, in this case, I would be delighted to be wrong.”

Glancing over at the bleachers, the feeling I had earlier of the game being rigged so no one could win came roaring back. The smug and evil smiles on the faces of Phyllis and Heff Brobst made me itchy.

“Dude,” I whispered as I got into position. “I think the game has been designed to be unwinnable. My gut feels it, and the shitty grins on the faces of the talking ashtray and the gaping asshole kind of confirm it.”

“That’s cheating,” Pandora hissed, furious.

I almost laughed. Pandora had been cheating most of her existence. Her indignation simply proved how much she was changing. Pointing it out would piss her off. So, I didn’t. She’d figure it out. It was getting harder and harder to deny.

“It doesn’t matter,” I told her. “Winnable or unwinnable, we’re going to kick this game’s ass.”

“I do believe your balls are now the size of a small city. You’re going to have to get much bigger pants.”

Again, the insane woman made me laugh. If anyone had told me there would have come a day where I would like Pandora, I would have punched them in the face. That day had come. No one was getting punched.

“Welp,” I said as Heff Brobst picked up the bazooka and prepared to shoot it. “I say we take our collective balls and win this game.”

---