Page 43 of Blaze of Our Lives

She did not.

Shaking my head and hating my life, I tried to pull away from the spike. It wasn’t as easy as pulling it out. It was still connected to the wall of the fence. It wasn’t happening. There wasn’t enough room on the other side of me to get any kind of traction to be successful. Plus, there was a high chance another spike was going to pop out at any second. “Gonna have to rip my arm off.”

“Well, there’s another sentence I don’t think you thought you would ever say.”

I couldn’t believe it, but I laughed. The situation was so preposterous that laughing was the only response I had. I was going to need some intense therapy when this shit was over.

“Do it. Do it fast and get it done,” she said forcefully. “Don’t think about it. Just do it. NOW!”

If she hadn’t been riding my ass, I didn’t know if I would have been able to do what I was about to do. However, I was lucky enough to have a psychotic nut job along for the ride.

My brain became primitive. My desire to live outweighed the horror of leaving a literal piece of me behind. When I got to the Higher Power, I was going to tell It exactly what I thought of It… and I wasn’t going to hold back. Imagining myself ripping Shaun Cassidy a gaping new asshole, I lurched forward. The sound of my arm being ripped from my body was something I never wanted to hear again. I was sure the Shitty Whore gasped. As the tendons and arteries tore, it felt like a searing hot knife took a swim through every vein in my body. The skin was the least painful. It tore like paper.

Feeling light-headed and partially insane, I took a moment to look at my arm. It hung limply on the wall held up by the spike. “Fuck you, Phyllis. Fuck you, Heff Brobst. But mostly, fuck you, Shaun Cassidy,” I shouted as I began to hop away. Dodging the rest of the spikes, I made it out. I was one arm and one leg short of a full body, but I was alive, and I would still win.

“I’m going to tell you something,” Pandora said, sounding very serious.

“If you’re going to insult me, don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”

She was silent for a moment. Then she spoke in the same serious tone she’d used a few seconds ago. “I could not have done what you just did. That imbecile Candy Vargo is correct about you, Bitch Goddess Cecily. You’re a badass.”

I smiled. It was shocking my lips could quirk up considering what had just gone down, but the admission and the compliment from my enemy who was fast becoming my frenemy was just the thing I needed.

“Thank you, Pandora.”

“Yes, well, enough of the mushy stuff. Go find the button and activate the bridge.”

“As you wish,” I said, glancing down at where my arm used to be. Whatever. I still had an arm, a leg and the desire to win.

The button was easy. The bridge dropped. It was a good three feet or so above the murky water below. This could be a piece of cake or not.

It was a definite or not.

“What do you see?” Pandora asked.

“Bridge is down. It’s about forty feet long. So far, I don’t see any hungry sea monsters.”

“Then go for it.”

I did. Hopping across the bridge was noisy. There were no railings to hold on to, so balance was difficult. Thankfully, I’d lost my left arm and my right leg, so I was somewhat stable. The idea that I’d be grateful for having two intact limbs so I could still hop away from danger without falling down hadn’t been on my bingo card of life, but there it was.

As soon as I got to the middle, I realized I’d spoken too soon about the sea monsters. The screaming was so piercing I almost fell into the water. They shook the bridge, which sucked since I was appendage impaired. Dropping to my stomach, I tried slithering across, but the rocking of the bridge was making it nearly impossible.

“What’s happening?” Pandora yelled. “It feels like we’re in the middle of a tornado.”

“We’d probably have a better chance of surviving that,” I yelled back as one of the monsters slapped a slimy black tentacle onto the bridge, blocking my advancement. “Problem.”

“Narrate,” Pandora demanded.

“Obstruction ahead.” I squinted to make sure what I thought I was seeing was correct. Unfortunately, it was. “Large, gelatinous, greasy-looking monster with a big octopus-like arm blocking the bridge. Oh, and did I mention the arm has about a thousand fangs in it.”

“Is that a joke?”

“I wish,” I muttered as I tried to figure out how in the hell to get around it.

“Use your sword. Chop that bastard up! Fillet that fucker!”

“Brilliant,” I said, raising my one good hand and producing my fire sword.

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