Page 26 of Blaze of Our Lives

The neon green brick road to the capital of Snoz wasn’t what I expected.

Yes, there was a scarecrow that looked alarmingly like Tim, but he wasn’t alive. There was a tinman who resembled Charlie. Again, not alive. I checked. As I walked deeper into the forest of lollipop trees, I came across a lion. The lion looked like Fifi—grenades and all. I wished with all my heart she was my real Succubus bodyguard, but she was simply a stone statue like the others.

“Any end in sight?” Pandora asked.

“No,” I replied, getting worried. Deciding that stress eating would be helpful, I chowed down on the remnants of the cookie house.

“Those munchkins really can bake,” Pandora commented as I swallowed.

I stopped in my tracks. “Can you taste the cookie?”

“I can,” she replied, sounding as mystified as I was. “I could also smell Phyllis. The woman stank like an ashtray.”

Why was I shocked? Searching for logic was a fool’s game. Nothing made sense. The fact that Pandora had hitched a ride inside me was the stuff of weird science fiction movies. However, this was my life. In a ridiculous way, it made perfect sense that she could taste, feel and hear what I could.

“Can you see out of my eyes?” I questioned.

“I cannot,” she told me. “I suppose I could try, but it might take a magical chant or spell to make that work.”

“Interesting,” I said, resuming my walk down the green brick road. “Does magic work here?”

“Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?” she snapped.

I raised a brow as a small grin pulled at my lips. If Pandora wanted to play the insult game, she was about to lose. My brother and I had that pastime covered. “I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed,” I told her. “But you’re the equivalent of a human participation award.”

“Rude,” Pandora purred with joy. The excitement in her voice couldn’t be missed. “I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but it’s so very clear that you’re sorely unarmed.”

“And you have obviously not been burdened by an overabundance of education,” I shot back gleefully.

Pandora snorted. “Actually, you’re so idiotic, you put lipstick on your forehead to make up your mind.”

“Nice one.”

“I thought so.”

“However,” I began. “You’re missing so many brain cells that you put your cell phone up your ass and thought it was a booty call.”

“I see we’re going lowbrow,” she commented dryly.

“The lower the better,” I replied.

Pandora chuckled. “Fine. The only culture you possess is bacteria.”

I tucked that one away to remember for later. “You look like a visible fart.”

“Disgusting,” she hissed.

“Thank you.”

I was sure I felt her roll her eyes. I kept walking. The game was more calming than pinching my weenus.

“You, Bitch Goddess Cecily, are about as useful as a knitted condom.”

Another one I would keep in my insult library. Sean would love it. “Possibly,” I agreed. “But rumor has it that the zombie who was desperately looking for brains walked right past you.”

“You’re really not pretty enough to be so stupid,” Pandora informed me.

I laughed. “I envy all the people who haven’t met you.”

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