Page 17 of Blaze of Our Lives

“Awesome.” This wasn’t helpful. Or, maybe it was. It seemed like each person saw what they internalized. Pandora’s version was suspect, but she could’ve been lying. Although, why she would lie was beyond me. She and I had the same goal of getting her out of me.

“Seems to me, it’s the state of mind the person is in as to what they see,” Charlie observed as Heather nodded her agreement.

“I concur,” she said. “Cecily, as random as this advice might seem, stay positive. Don’t let your mind go to any dark depths.”

If everyone was being truthful, it meant that Lilith was partial to beauty, Candy Vargo and Gideon were obsessed with death, and Pandora was a superfan of movies and TV.

And me?

I had no clue what I would see. However, I hoped to find out. Soon.

“Let’s get it over with,” Pandora snapped. “I’m getting bored. It’s never good when I get bored.”

“So you said,” I told her. “Hold that thought.”

A tingly feeling of unease washed over me. The truth that I had little to no helpful information was terrifying. I worked much better off of a script. My agitation made me feel itchy. Pacing the room, I tried to pinpoint the root of why I felt so off.

The problem was, there wasn’t just one reason… There were tons.

The more I asked, the less I knew. Counting on everyone else for answers was counterproductive. Lilith had said the Higher Power was explainable, but the reality of It was up for interpretation. My experience was going to be different from my mother’s, Gideon’s, Candy’s and Pandora’s. It was time for me to be the boss. No one could save me from any of this but me.

First off, though, I had to get there. Luckily, I had an idea. It wasn’t stellar, but it was a start. I needed to get into a dream state to reach my goal, and I wasn’t the least bit tired. I was far too wound up to go to sleep without a little help. Whacking myself into unconsciousness was out of the question. Being a Demon Goddess, I wasn’t sure maiming myself would even work. I’d been electrocuted and had part of my leg blown off by one of Pandora’s minions. I didn’t pass out. It was unlikely that a two-by-four would do much damage.

Nope. If I wanted to meet this Higher Power, I was going to have to do it my way. Letting go of all my racing thoughts was key. I hadn’t always had the best luck with that. There had only been a handful of times I’d managed to get out of my head.

“Cher, do you still have the bag of gummies you pilfered from my brother?”

“Yeppers,” she replied, pulling them out of her bag. “You want them?”

“I do.” I took the bag and examined it. Score! It was filled with the Devil’s Lettuce candy. There had to be forty gummies in the bag. From what I could recall, the light orange ones were the energizing strain, and the bright green ones were the put-you-to-bed kind.

Charlie squinted at me with concern. “You’re going to get stoned?”

I squinted right back at him. Standing up to the Immortal felt like pulling the tail of a tiger, but if I was going to the Higher Power, I would not fear the backlash of the Enforcer for my methods. He might be a bazillion years old and had insane power that was suffocating, but I was the freaking Bitch Goddess Cecily, and I was going to own it.

“Buzzed,” I corrected him. “Not wasted. Fastest way I can think of to get to a dream state.”

To my surprise, he gave me a nod of respect. I had to admit, his approval felt fantastic.

“Jesus Hyrum Christ! I like it,” Cher announced, digging into her bag. “Wanna chase the gummy with a wine cooler?”

“Nope,” I told her. “But, thanks.”

“I think it could work,” Lilith said. “Or you could meditate. That’s what seemed to help me.”

“Nah,” Candy Vargo chimed in. “Badass is too keyed up for meditation.”

“Agreed.” I also sucked at meditation. The LA scene was big on meditation. I’d tried multiple times, but just ended up making grocery lists in my head.

“The Bitch Goddess Cecily knows what will work for her,” Abaddon said in a tone that dared anyone to talk back. “We will respect and support her choices.”

“Thank you, Abaddon.” His confidence in me was solid. I wished mine was the same.

“We’re ALL going to DIE,” Pandora screeched.

“Zip it,” I hissed. The last thing I needed right now was a shitty peanut gallery named Pandora. “Or the door closes.”

It was a bizarre sensation, but I would swear I felt the nasty Demon fight to contain herself.

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