Page 39 of A Leaner Meaner Midlife

“Hey Micky,” I called out as his eyes stayed glued to me and my haphazard movement. “You know something? You’re not pretty enough to be as stupid as you are.”

“As the NEW Angel of Mercy, I’m gonna send your mouthy ass to the Darkness,” he screeched.

“Sounds like a plan,” I told him with a smile that made him bare his teeth in fury. “But honestly, if I wanted to die, I’d climb your ego and jump from your IQ.”

He was confused. My words were above his comprehension level.

He’d understand this one. It was at the level appropriate for a second-grade boy. “You look like a visible fart.”

He got it, and he didn’t like it. He was shaking with both the weight of the magic and rage. The time was now.

I pretended to trip. I’d have a better chance of avoiding death if I had a sprinter’s start. The imbecile’s laugh was maniacal. He thought he’d won.

Time slowed, or it felt as if it did.

The Dragon King screamed with joy. I pulled my feet back under me and stayed low in a squat… ready to take off to the right. I was so close. The enemy was naked, and the tail was in sight. Everything was going as planned.

Slowly, Micky raised his hands higher and reared back. His eyes were wild, and gibberish, along with strings of saliva, flew from his lips. The beachball-sized silvery magic in his hands shimmered in the late afternoon sun. Its beauty belied the devastating damage it could do, but only if he could hit me. As the size grew even larger, I worried I was making a mistake. Could I get out of the path of Tory’s magic if Micky took it nuclear? Maybe not...

...but then fate stepped in. Not the Keeper of Fate. No, this time, fate had three names. Names I would never forget for the rest of my existence.

“NO, you impertinent beslubbering, hedge pig!” Lura Belle screeched at a decibel so high-pitched I winced.

“I will castrate you with my teeth, you haggard fat-kidneyed moldwarp!” Jolly Sue roared.

“If you throw that sparkle ball, I’ll shove your salami down your throat after I rip it off with my TEETH, you mangled, boil-brained canker-blossom!” Dimple shouted.

“We will save you, Daisy,” Lura Belle shouted as they got closer.

“You saved us. We will save you,” Dimple insisted.

“NO,” I shouted, my eyes still on Micky Muggles. “GO BACK. NOW.” What were they doing on the field? They’d left with the others. They shouldn’t be here in the line of fire.

“There’s no going back,” Jolly Sue caterwauled. “We were meant to masticate the man-meat and save you.”

I watched in horror as the ball directed straight at me left the Dragon’s hands. I wasn’t going to be able to sprint away. Both the silver orb of destructive magic and the Nephilim were coming right at me. The magic ball came at the front, and the Nephilim came at my left. My decision to go right was not happening. I’d go left and knock the women out of the line of fire along with myself. My odds were now at about fifty-fifty. I made the decision in a split second. I didn’t have time to come up with an alternative.

There was just one problem—a deadly one. The gals and the ball of Immortal-killing light were far faster than I’d anticipated. I was tackled by the three sisters and thrown about thirty feet. The gifts given to the old gals by my Angel siblings were still very obviously in their system. They shouldn’t have been able to throw me even two feet.

The crazy old Nephilim high-fived each other and blew me kisses.

“No, no, no, no, NO,” I shouted as I watched in horror as the ball changed direction like a heat-seeking missile programmed to find the hottest Angel of Mercy on the field. In other words, it was coming right at me.

Only I wasn’t alone. The three sisters were still in range of the weapon of magical destruction, and Gideon had run to my side. Shit. We’d all die if that sucker’s aim was true. The crazy, wonderful Nephilim would be no more, and my daughter would be an orphan. “No, no, no,” I said again. “This can’t happen.”

“Fuck,” Gideon hissed as he grabbed my arm. “Fly Daisy. We have to fly.”

I met his gaze for the first time since I’d entered the fight, and his love gave me wings. “Go,” I told him. “I have to save them.” I leapt off the ground like my life depended on it, which it did, and flew at the crazy old women with one purpose: to whisk them and myself away from certain death.

I screamed when Gideon snatched me away a millisecond before the energy orb ripped through the sisters.

Too late. I’d been too late.

Gideon flew us up so high, I got light-headed. My anguish multiplied as the blueish silver ball’s explosion sounded like it was coming from inside my head. The ringing in my ears was deafening. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Panic, fear then more panic consumed me as the blinding light below me tore the old women apart. The ball turned into a vicious funnel spewing silver sparkles and blue fire. The magical tornado sucked the trio in and wouldn’t let them go. It was fast, furious then over. The funnel disappeared with a burst of silver glitter. There was no trace of the fireball that had just snuffed out the lives of my friends. There was no trace of the nutty, brave women at all.

How had we gotten to this point?

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