Page 32 of A Leaner Meaner Midlife

“The pleasure will be all mine, fiancé,” he replied as he ran his thumb over my lips then turned to follow Gabe and Mr. Jackson.

“Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit,” Gram gushed, admiring my ring. “It’s about time! I’m just tickled pink.”

“About that,” Candy Vargo said. “You gonna get hitched soon? I need to brush up on my skills before I perform the fuckin’ ceremony.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Are you going to use the word fuck in the vows?”

She pondered that for a bit while she kept an eye on the crowd. “Yep. Yep, I am.”

I wasn’t surprised. It wouldn’t be a celebration without Candy dropping an F-bomb or three.

“Lemme tell you something, Candy Vargo,” Gram said, getting in her face. “I love ya like I birthed ya, but I’m gonna wash your dang mouth out with soap for a month. You will not be droppin’ no F-bombs at Daisy’s weddin’. You hear me?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Candy said contritely. The Keeper of Fate might be one of the Universe’s biggest badasses, but Gram had her wrapped around her dead pinkie finger.

“Candy, the answer to your question is, I don’t know. We just got engaged. Talk to me again after we get out of here alive,” I said.

“Houston, we have a problem,” Candy growled. “Gram, I want to you to skedaddle. Now.”

“Will do, darlin’. You girls be safe,” she said as she zipped away.

My name was Daisy, but I caught Candy’s movie reference. She was correct. The Dragon King’s people seemed to be turning on him. It was about to get messy.

“That idiot’s been goin’ on about his prowess in bed and his dick size. I’m pretty sure he lost his audience.”

“Wait. What?” I asked, as I tuned back into the evil bastard’s monologue.

“You will obey the Dragon King,” Micky Muggles bellowed. He paced the guillotine platform erratically. His sorry excuse for wings flapped in the wind and began to fall off. However, his hands were on fire. I’d experienced his fireballs. They were deadly. “I am the Supreme Leader. Once the Angel of Mercy gives me my Immortality, you will destroy her.”

“Fucker’s on drugs,” Candy said with a grunt of disgust.

“Next on the hit list is the Keeper of Fate, the Archangel Gabriel and the Grim Reaper,” Micky Muggles commanded.

Candy bit her toothpick in half and chewed it like it was gum.

“Are you fucking insane?” an enormous Demon with his horns protruding out of his head shouted.

“I want no part of that, you imbecile,” another yelled. “It would destroy the balance and the world would end.”

“NO,” Micky shrieked and blasted the Demon who spoke with a fire ball that turned him to ash. His display of lethal magic silenced the crowd immediately. His rant continued. “It will not end because I say it won’t. And I can prove it. I have the Immortal Purgatory, and I will behead her to prove my point.”

I grabbed Candy’s hand at his announcement about Tory and squeezed it hard.

High on his own Kool-aid, Micky exclaimed, “She’s my fuckin’ Anne Boleyn! Y’all will obey me because I am your KING.”

“Will that shit for brains really try to kill his bargainin’ chip?” Candy Vargo asked, trying to get a feel for what he might truly do.

“Maybe he’ll piss people off so bad, we won’t have to kill him because they will,” I said softly.

She shook her head. “Nope, I feel a change in the wind.”

“Shit,” I muttered, praying hard that Gideon and Gabe had found Tory and gotten her out of harm’s way. The fact that Gideon hadn’t returned yet wasn’t a good sign, but I could still hope.

One of the Demons crawled up onto the platform with Micky. He glared at the gathered group then spat on the ground. “The asshole is crazy, but he might be onto something.”

“What?” a female Angel snarled. “The Apocalypse?”

“Fuck that,” the Demon on the stage roared. “We’ve been held down by lies for eternity. How do we know the balance wasn’t something dreamed up by the Gods and Goddesses to hold us back. It’s all bullshit. We will rule our own destiny. Kill the Angel of Mercy. Kill the Keeper of Fate. Kill the Archangel Gabriel. Kill the Grim Reaper. KILL THEM ALL.”

---