Page 21 of A Leaner Meaner Midlife

The atmosphere in the room went from light to heavy.

Dirk stepped forward, his hands sill on his breasts. He looked silly, but his words were not. “In your search for something positive, look around the corners—surprises often lurk there. Sometimes one might dream of never being called strong again. They might be exhausted by their strength. One might want a break from the madness. They long for understanding and not to be admired for how well they take a hit or how often. However, according to Marcus Aurelius, ‘You have the power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.’”

I pressed my lips together and nodded. He had spoken words I needed to hear. Yes, my life had been a rollercoaster of trying to stay alive, but I had so much to live for. I was going to ride it until it came to a stop.

The Horsemen weren’t done with their sage advice.

Carl joined Dirk. His hands were also glued to his bosom, but his expression was somber. “Charles Dickens said, ‘There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in contrast.’” Carl adjusted his breasts and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “With great power comes even greater responsibility, girlfriend. Immortality is a tricky game. However, you must remember that out of our greatest battles come miracles. Keep that in mind when you think you have no more to give.”

Again, I nodded. Guilt swept over me for wanting a break. Lives of people I loved were on the line. Being tired was no excuse. Gideon had said there had been centuries where nothing bad had happened. I’d experience that too… eventually. Adjusting my expectations was the answer. I was at the very beginning of Immortality. To fathom living forever was impossible and a waste of time I didn’t have. What I did have was a daughter I would happily die for—like my own mother had done for me. My friends and family were more valuable to me than all the riches in existence. And, finally, there was Gideon, my other half, my love and my fiancé. A small smile pulled at my lips. Yes, my life had dark shadows, but the lights were glorious in contrast. Charles Dickens was a profound man.

It was Wally’s turn. I listened to every word. The queens were saving my ass. They knew it and I knew it. I loved the breast-obsessed boys with my whole heart.

“I shall start with a quote,” Wally said, patting his boobs lovingly. “The very astute Thomas A. Edison said, ‘When you have exhausted all the possibilities, remember this: you haven’t.’ And the illustrious Candy Vargo coined a term that I shall keep in my vocabulary.”

“Fuckin’ fuckers?” Candy asked.

Wally closed his eyes for a brief moment then sighed dramatically. “Umm… no. It was the term, juicy justice boner. That’s the goal. The orgasmic results will be worth it.”

“Ahh… okay,” I said. “Thank you.”

Wally bowed to me as Fred stepped up with a grip on his breasts that looked as painful as my last mammogram. I didn’t comment.

“My darling,” Fred began. “The charming Mahatma Ghandi once said, ‘Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will.’ Now with that being said, you do indeed have physical capacity. Your power is beyond what I have experienced in all my many, many, many years. However, it’s your will that must stay strong. That’s the key. And I too agree that a juicy justice boner is an exciting way to look at the big picture.”

Dirk patted my bowl cut and smiled. “Use what you know. Aid always comes from unexpected places.”

Their words gave me strength. I wasn’t alone. My small army consisted of some of the most powerful Immortals alive—the Grim Reaper, the Archangel Gabriel, the Immortal Courier, the Keeper of Fate and myself. Jolly Sue, Lura Belle and Dimple were Nephilim, but they’d been given an extra boost by my Angel siblings. Our backup was the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. We were a badass team.

There was still some business to get done here.

“Jennifer,” I said, hugging my friend. “First off, thank you for your hospitality. I love you. Secondly, do you happen to have any superglue? I don’t know what state I’ll find Gram and Mr. Jackson in, and I’d like to be prepared.”

“Sure do,” she said with a grin. “June put a few tubes in my purse just in case!”

Jennifer handed the glue tubes over, and I tucked them into my pockets.

“Questions for Candy,” I said, turning to the Immortal. “Can you remove the disguises if necessary?”

“Yep,” she confirmed. “Just give me the word and they’re gone.”

“Good,” I said, pacing the living room and adjusting my attitude. I thought better when I moved. “Out of curiosity, is there any way to actually make Micky Muggles Immortal?”

“Please don’t tell me you would do that,” Tim said wringing his hands.

“I didn’t say I would do it. I asked if it was possible,” I replied evenly. Granting the cretin immortality was a very bad idea. I knew that. However, Gram, Tory and Mr. Jackson’s lives were more important than making a terrible decision.

Gideon answered. “No. It’s not possible. However, I don’t think it’s wise to let him know. Until Tory, Gram and Mr. Jackson are safe, I believe it’s prudent that the imbecile believes it can happen.”

Gabe growled. It sent a chill skittering up my spine. “If it was possible, I’d do it to save Tory. I’d then spend the rest of my days tracking him down to decapitate him. Make no mistake… I would find him, and I’d make his death slow and excruciatingly painful.”

“Mmmkay,” Dimple said with an uncomfortable giggle. “I believe we’ve gotten a bit off track. The gorbellied, malt-worm clack-dish isn’t worth this debate. His demise is coming shortly. That’s the plan. It would be an honor to save the day and destroy the cockerd hussy.”

“I quite agree,” Lura Belle chimed in. “And please don’t forget, that in a pinch, my sisters and I are more than willing to use our teeth as weapons to remove the penis where the yeasty barnacle’s power is stored.”

“More than willing is a bit of a stretch,” Jolly Sue pointed out as she ducked the wild punch Lura Belle threw her way. “BUT, if we have too, we will.”

They looked like teens. The words coming out of their mouths were crazy peppered with language from the fifteenth century. Life was upside down. However, they’d made some good observations. We simply needed to focus on the end game.

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