Page 10 of A Leaner Meaner Midlife

Tim pulled out his laptop and typed like a madman. “Here it is! Kentucky Castle. It exists. Construction had started in 1969 by real estate developer Rex Martin and his wife. It was inspired by a trip to Germany and buildings they’d seen in Europe. Divorced in 1975 and left the castle—which was supposed to have seven bedrooms and fifteen bathrooms—unfinished.”

“They must have had poop shoot issues,” Candy Vargo muttered. “Ain’t nobody needs fifteen fuckin’ bathroom unless you have a very active bunghole and tend to clog your crappers with crap.”

“I’m not touching that comment, Candy Vargo,” Tim chided her as he continued to read the information. “Over the years it became a tourist destination and appears to be somewhat of a joke for the locals. Martin died before it sold, but it eventually was bought and was rumored to become some kind of medieval restaurant or museum. In 2004, it caught fire, and the owner rebuilt it. It was completed in 2008. Twelve luxury suites were added along with a game room, music room, swimming pool, basketball court and tennis courts. It was used for events. It was sold again in 2017 and is still used for events.”

“Well, shoot,” Heather said. “If that’s where he is, humans will be in danger.”

“If we were there, he’d be dead,” Gabe snapped. “Tory would be alive, and no humans would be harmed. BUT… we’re NOT there.”

“I told you to relax your fuckin’ crack, Archangel,” Candy Vargo warned. “We have a week. The stupid fuck wants immortality real bad. He’s not gonna eliminate his bargainin’ chip, and with his ass gone, he’s going to spend most of that time healing up.”

“On Tory’s blood!” Gabe countered.

My brother had a point. The longer it took us to take Micky Muggles down, the stronger he was going to get on his Purgatory diet, and that assless bastard was already pretty fucking powerful. He’d proved that when he walked into a room full of Immortals and snatched one of us without even trying.

The Keeper of Fate pulled a clean toothpick from the box. “If we go in guns blazin’ we’re gonna lose.” She shoved the slender pick between her teeth as she narrowed her gaze at Gabe. “I’m not thinkin’ you wanna lose. I know I sure as hell don’t. Gram, Tory, and that weird, nice dead guy need us to stay fuckin’ focused.”

Gabe let out a frustrated growl as he punched the wall and put his fist through the plaster. At the rate my house was being demolished, Gideon and I were going to need to move. Although, Gabe was on to something. In the last few months, I’d realized property damage was cathartic.

“We’ll drive,” Gideon said. “It’s less conspicuous, and we can strategize on the way. Transporting with a group would mean a tremendous amount of mind-wiping, and it would alert every supernatural in the area when we arrived. Including Muggles. That’s a bad idea and one we don’t have time for.”

“I agree.” I ran my hands through my hair, doing my best to focus like Candy had insisted. My mind raced with worry for Gram, Tory and Mr. Jackson. I’d seen ghosts get destroyed and turned to dust. Although, I hoped Micky Muggles wasn’t too concerned with two dead people. They couldn’t help him with his psychotic goal. However, he could use them as bargaining chips. My other worry was my baby. It wasn’t an over exaggeration to say I’d barely seen her since I’d given birth. It wasn’t working for me. But my life had been spiraling out of control lately. While I hadn’t signed up to be an Immortal badass, I would play the hand I’d been dealt.

Right now, it sucked. Hard.

Tim’s fingers flew across his keyboard. “The drive is nine hours give or take a few minutes. Do we have a big enough vehicle for everyone going?”

Gabe punched the wall again. He was ignored.

“I have a minivan,” Candy volunteered. “I can drive.”

“Hard no from me,” I said, shaking my head. I’d been a passenger in Candy’s car. She drove like a blind person and at least fifty miles over the speed limit. “We can take your minivan, but you are not driving.”

“Excellent thinking,” Tim agreed, trying to hide his smile. He failed. “Candy Vargo is a menace on the road.”

“And all of the rest of the time as well,” Heather added with a grin.

“Fuck all you fuckers,” Candy said with a hint of a smirk pulling at her lips.

Up until now some of our group had been silent. June, Amelia, Missy, my other siblings and two of the Queens had just watched and listened. Ameila, Rafe, Abby and Prue sat on the ground with my furbabies, Donna and Karen. Donna wasn’t a dog even though she looked like one. She was a Hell Hound. Her ears were perked up as she listened to the conversation. Karen was a dopey lab. I adored both of my beautiful furry girls.

June walked over to the table, picked up the Tupperware container of peanut butter cookies and handed them to me. “You’re gonna need these, sweetie,” she said with a smile. “And I think you all should stay at Jennifer’s Airbnb.”

“Darn tootin’,” Jennifer agreed. “You want me to come?”

I mulled that over in my head. Jennifer was human. Shockingly, when she’d discovered none of us were even remotely human, she’d believed it instantly and took no issue. She was simply disappointed that we didn’t sparkle like the vampires in the Twilight series.

“How well do you know Lexington?” Gideon asked before I could arrive at a decision.

“Damn good,” Jennifer told him. “And after the gals bite off that bastard’s wiener and you guys save Tory, Gram and Mr. Jackson, I can take y’all by my old sorority house and we can chug a few beers for old time’s sake.”

“Or not,” I said with a wince. “Not sure taking Jen is safe.”

Dirk, Fred, Wally and Carl—also known as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse—stepped forward in all their beaded and bejeweled glory.

“Sweetikins,” Carl said in a serious tone. “If a gift is offered, you must take it.”

Wally chimed in. “Sugar Pants, Carl not only looks divine in his feathered frock, he’s correct. As the Keeper of Fate said, one must listen. Things like gifts rarely occur without reason.”

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