Page 82 of Whiskey Neat

“There’s this guy,” I continue. “I guess I’m seeing him. We swore we’d keep it casual and light and end it as friends when it wasn’t exciting anymore.”

“And?”

“It’s still exciting. He’s the kind of man I could’ve only dreamed of before, but he’s just like me emotionally. He’s not a relationship person, and we’ve managed to keep it almost exclusively sexual.”

“Almost?”

“We work together, so we interact that way too. He’s just…” I huff a laugh. “You saw him the day we bumped into you outside.”

“Oooh, yeah. He’s hot.”

“Understatement. He’s sexy and funny and interesting too. But I know the minute I try to let my guard down is when he’ll disappoint me, and I can’t take that chance with him. There’s too much at stake.”

Jackson nods. “Understandable, but it sucks a little, yeah?”

“It does, but I’d rather have him this way than not at all. I’d rather feel good when I look at him or hear his name than feel sad.”

“I get it. My heart breaks a little every time I have to interact with my ex-wife.”

“You said the divorce is rough?”

“It is. We do pretty good in front of the kids, but she’s still pissed at me. She’s humiliated and she doesn’t want to be here anymore. My lawyer told me I’d likely lose in court so I should let her move and figure out visitation later when things have settled more.”

“Colorado?”

“Yeah, her family lives there. She doesn’t want to see people who knew us both anymore.”

“Sorry, man.”

“It’s my fault. I can’t make it right with her, and I honestly don’t expect to make it right with you either, but I at least wanted you to know why and that I’m so fucking sorry I abandoned you when you needed a friend the most.”

My eyes sting with emotion so I blink it back quickly. “I appreciate it. I agreed to talk to you hoping maybe you’d say something that would help me let it all go, and I think you did. I know how hard it is to accept being different from everyone else, but I hope you’re learning that it’s worth it in the long run.”

“Not yet, but I’ll hold on to that.”

After coffee, I walk back to the bar, consumed by my thoughts. I feel lighter now, which is good, but a little sad in some ways too. Indy really is a fantastic guy, and that fact only scares me into keeping things as light as possible.

His jealousy is like catnip to me, making me wish for things that aren’t real, but I know deep down it doesn’t mean anything at all. He’s just territorial. I shake my shoulders out as I walk inside, putting my walls back up, ready to do what I do. I’ll get my work done and tonight Indy will come over, make me come so hard I have an out of body experience, and we’ll do this on repeat until one of us decides we’re done. Something inside me hopes that moment is a very long time from now.

Indy looks up from the bar and smiles at me, his whole face lighting up, and my chest flutters.

“Did it go okay?” he asks, rubbing my back once I reach him.

“Yeah, it was helpful.”

He nods, searching my eyes, and I’d swear he wants to say something but he’s holding back. I guess that makes two of us.

The only thing that matters to me right now is holding on to him as long as I can. This feeling is too damn good to fuck it up.

TWENTY-SEVEN

INDIANA

Four weeks ago the bar was still a run-down, dusty mess, but as I stand in the center of it listening to Oakley explain the finishing touches, my chest swells with excitement and pride. I think we’re gonna pull this off.

“Excellent,” Lowen says, checking off boxes on his clipboard. “The furniture is being delivered in two days.”

“That works,” Oakley says, his eyes lingering on my glamorous friend. “The inspector is coming today at three for a final walk through on the kitchen, but we’ve passed everything else.”

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