The rest of the counselors were organized at tables checking in campers when we got back. I scooted off to my bunkhouse, jumped into a lukewarm shower, trying to wash away the clutching feeling in my chest along with Price’s scent.
As I dressed, the reality of what we did came crashing down around me.
Raw. No condom.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
It’s been a few hours now, there’s campers all around finding their way, and Ted asked me to stick by Hailey because the older woman that’s her sort of nanny-ish stand-in grandmother, Wiley, is down with a migraine and Ted and Price have official new camp owner and TV network duties to tend to.
Hailey’s been trying to teach me how to climb the rope in the outdoor obstacle course, scurrying up it like it’s a ladder, then touching the branch it’s attached to and inching back down. And I can tell how proud she is of keeping up with the exercises we were practicing yesterday, her ‘s’ sounds much more sibilant as she repeats the tongue twister I taught her as she goes up and down the rope.
Funny, I sort of feel settled here. Not out of place with a desire for a Starbucks, or the sirens and twenty-four hour noise of the city.
I thought I wasn’t the outdoors type, but here I am being taught to climb ropes by a six-year-old, and yesterday I went hiking in the wilderness. And I’m having fun doing it.
I did break a nail earlier today, and there was a quick twinge of angst that there’s nowhere to go for a fix, but other than that, I’m getting downright outdoorsy.
Hailey waves at someone over my head, and I turn to see Price addressing a group of older kids by the start to the bigger obstacle course. His voice carries on the warmth of the summer breeze as he waves his thick arm toward a steep wooden wall with a knotted rope hanging down. He’s covering rules and safety stuff, then, like magic, he’s giving a quick demo of how to climb the wall.
In five effortless, hand over hand movements, he’s pulled his entire body weight up the rope, then flings himself over, falling onto his feet in a superhero landing on the other side, in a puff of dust.
The depth of his strength and skill leave me frozen and rapt as he comes around, wiping his hands down the front of his t-shirt, then claps three times, making a gesture for the campers to give it a try.
“Do you think my dad will mawwy you?” Hailey suddenly says, drawing my attention back to her.
I want to say no, because honestly, I think Price has made his choice and I know I should say no, but my tongue has a mind of its own. “How would you feel about that?”
“I’d wike it.” She frowns. “Then you’d be my mom, sort of.”
“Hailey.” I crouch down to her level as she wipes at her eyes.
“I do have a mom already…”
“I know,” I tell her. “Nobody can ever take that away.”
“But you can have two moms, can’t you?”
“You can. Lots of people do. But I think your dad wants it to just be the two of you for a while.”
She shakes her head. “Uh uh. He wooks at you wike he wooks at me, except I’m his daughter. You’re not his daughter.”
“No. I’m not,” I agree. “But me and your dad, I think we’re just friends.”
She shakes her head again. “No you’re not. He thinks you’re pwetty, I can tell. He’s never wooked at anyone wike you. I think you’re pwetty, too. And you’re nice.” She shrugs, swinging the end of the rope back and forth, her hair in two Cindy Lou Who pigtails on top of her head, and I wonder, did Price do her hair? The image of his ridiculously large, thick, calloused fingers being able to do something so delicate has a clutch starting again down in my belly. Hailey cocks her head on a nod like she’s come to a decision on something important, then says, “I wouldn’t mind if you mawwied him. You’d have my bwessing.”
I hesitate, then reach up and pinch her chin softly. “Thanks. I wouldn’t mind, either.” I force a smile I’m not feeling. “But right now, you need to teach me how to climb this rope. I don’t want to be the only one at camp that can’t do it.”
She laughs and nods, her little face spreading in a much more genuine smile than my own, and I wish I could give her a more certain answer.
Kids.
Jesus. They have a way of making complicated things sound so easy. Marry Price, be Hailey’s stepmom, live happily ever after.
But life isn’t a fairytale.
Price would probably shrivel up and die in the city, with honking taxis and all the concrete and lack of nature. He’d look ridiculous in a suit and tie, sitting behind a desk, where adventure would consist of a walk in the park or eighteen holes of golf. No, this is his natural habitat and where he belongs.
And as for me?