Page 73 of Bad Professor

“I’ll never hurt you, Tilly.” And as I kiss her, I vow to do whatever I need to do not to cause her any pain.

38

Tilly

I’m going to introduce Dexter to the girls.

I think it’s too soon, but I’m in love with Dexter.

I’m in love with him. And he loves me, too. How is that even possible?

This started as one night and made its way into love. I wasn’t looking, or expecting, or even wanting to fall in love, but somehow, I’m here and about to introduce my daughters to Dexter.

My boyfriend.

The plan is for me to tell the girls about Dexter Friday night, and then Sunday afternoon, for him to meet us at the farmer’s market. If things go well, then he can join us for pizza; if not, he has to go home so I can deal with my daughters’ anxiety about their mother dating a strange man.

It’s a good plan, but I have no idea how Jade and Jordan will take the news.

“Iwant to talk to you both about something.”

My voice is hesitant, nervous, and I flash back to the day I told them Carlos and I were getting a divorce.

He left me to tell them alone. I had to answer the questions, deal with the crying, the panic attacks, the fit of anger.

It was the only time I’ve ever thought Carlos was a bad father.

I had to deal with that on my own, so how difficult will this be? It can’t be worse than that.

Jade is on her phone, laughing at some reel. Jordan is reading, curled up on the couch with the cat, wrapped in a blanket. She puts her book down when Jade shows her the screen, but neither pays me any attention.

“Girls?” I demand, my voice louder.

I can be loud now. Dexter has taught me to use my voice in more things than just sex.

At the sound of it, Jordan looks up and nudges Jade. “Mom.”

“We need to talk about something,” I tell them.

That is the wrong thing to say. “Oh my, god, you can’t get divorced again,” Jade shrieks, making me jump and sending Bella out of the room.

“I’m not getting divorced,” I cry. “I’m already divorced.”

“Why are we yelling?” Jordan wants to know.

“Because the last time Mom said we needed to talk, she told us about her and Dad,” Jade shrieks, ever the dramatic.

“It’s not about Dad,” I assure her. “It’s… it’s not about Dad.”

“You’re not getting back together with him?” Jordan asks. She keeps her face expressionless, and I can’t tell if she’s happy about the idea or not.

How can I not know what my daughter is thinking?

“Do you want me to get back together with him?” I ask carefully. Isn’t that what all children with divorced parents want? Is that what the girls think will happen?

Am I about to break their hearts?

Jordan glances at Jade, and with that one look, I can tell this isn’t the first time the subject has been discussed between them. “I think you’re happier now,” Jade tells me bluntly. “We love Daddy, but you… this is better for you. We think.”

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