Page 67 of Bad Professor

35

Dexter

“I’m not sure this is a good idea,” Tilly says for the tenth time.

I’m taking her to meet Max and Nick tonight.

It’s Wednesday night, seven weeks after I first met Tilly. Things are great, amazing; beyond amazing, and all I can think about is how I want more time with her.

We’re together, but still not. The inability to share everything with her is hard and I can feel the wall between us. I know me being her professor can be tough for Tilly at times. She does so well, pretending there is nothing between us, much better than the others.

I can’t tell her about the others or she’ll worry more, or worse, drop the class.

Sometimes I think that would be the easiest, but she seems so happy to interact with the other students and I couldn’t do that to her.

They love her. She’s the oldest in the class and it took a few weeks for her to be comfortable—and for the others to stop deferring to her like she was their mother. Now, Paula shares her Fuzzy Peaches, and Enrique continually teases her about pop culture that occurred when Tilly was younger, and P.J. loves to get into arguments about Arwen with her.

The fantasy course is a great class, one of my favourites, and might be even without Tilly. I don’t want her to drop the course, and I don’t think she should. The Taylor Swift class is great too, but this one is special. No one will find out about me and Tilly.

I keep telling myself that.

“I’m only to say we met at a bar, but nothing about school. Should I even say I’m going to school?” Tilly worries her lip. Most of her lip gloss is gone, which is a good thing, because I always have the need to kiss it off when she wears it.

“Probably not,” I say casually, heart thumping. This is the time when Tilly could ask why not, and I’d have to tell her that both Max and Nick know about me dating students, and the trouble I got in.

Or I could lie, which is what I’ve been doing.

The longer I’m with Tilly, the less important it seems to tell her about my past. We talk about her marriage, and I mention Elena now and then, but the rest of my girlfriends are nameless women, “of little importance,” I promise her. There’s no need to tell her about my students who became more than students because that would worry her.

Or it would make her look at me differently, and I really like the way Tilly looks at me now.

I like everything about her. And lately, I’ve been wondering if I do more than like her.

Neither one of us has mentioned the L word, but I feel it looming between us, like a surprise party.

Saying it could be a really good thing, fun for all, or it could crash and burn.

Introducing Tilly to my friends is the next step to figuring out if I should mention the L word soon, or keep it tucked near my chest. I don’t need Nick and Max’s approval, but I’d like to have it.

Cady, too, because she’s going with us tonight as well.

I just wish I could be honest with him, tell them what it’s like for me to be teaching Tilly. But I can’t tell anyone about that.

“You can tell them if it comes up, but I’m sure they’ll be lots more to talk about,” I tell her as we walk to Ye Old Sports Bar, trying to sound casual, like my lifework isn’t on the line. It’s a chilly October night, with Halloween right around the corner, and I need to bring my warmer jacket to Tilly’s place when I stay over.

Which I do every night during the week, unless she has something on with her daughters.

“Yes, I’m sure they’ll want to talk about the fact I’m almost ten years older than you,” Tilly says ruefully.

“Nine, last time I checked,” I correct, giving her hand a squeeze. “And they won’t care. You shouldn’t either.”

“I could have babysat you,” she muses.

“And that would have been fun.” I pretend to leer at her, and Tilly swats at my arm.

“That’s disgusting.”

“Maybe then, but it’s not when you’re thirty-six. I’m a grown man. You’re a grown woman. We’re…” In love, I almost say. But no. Not yet. Not tonight, at least. “…together,” I finish. “And that’s all that matters. Besides, it’s not really a big deal. My friend Marcus’s wife is three years older than him.”

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