Page 22 of Bad Professor

I pretended to enjoy it. I didn’t make a sound.

I told him afterward that he was incredible, that it felt so good. But honestly, the last time I had sex has been meh.

Last night….

I kind of want to run around the apartment singing and dancing, like Jordan did when I got us Taylor Swift tickets. And there’s a smile on my face as I pull my robe around me.

It doesn’t bother me that Dexter left, because I had sex last night and that’s enough to process. Thinking about what happens next may be too much for me.

He folded my clothes.

I pause by my bed, looking at my dress. My panties that he took off in the living room. I drift out, looking at the place where he undressed me before he kneeled on the floor at my feet. I stare more at the spot where I had been standing when his mouth had been between my legs than at the neatly laid pile of clothes, so it takes a moment to see the note.

I’d love to hear from you again. Dex.

What am I supposed to do now?

Idon’t do anything. I have a shower, make my smoothie and get the place ready for when the girls come home. I don’t tell anyone that I had sex with a very nice man named Dexter, but hug the secret to myself, bringing it out a few times a day to make myself smile.

The girls are supposed to be home at five; Carlos shows up at five-ten, pushing things like he always does.

I don’t say a word to him as Jade swarms in, Jordan quiet behind her. She’s fourteen now, and the divorce has been harder on her than her sister. She says less, observes more, and doesn’t have the vibrancy of her older sister. Everything comes easy for Jade—popularity, school, friends. She’s even good at sports and dance. She has Carlo’s outgoing personality, whereas Jordan is more like me.

More like me after I married Carlos.

Now that we’re divorced, I feel the old Tilly is coming alive again. The one who was spontaneous and fun, and who did things like skinny dip in pools and stayed up all night to see the sun rise.

It’s been a long time since I’ve done either of those things, but after last night, I think anything is possible.

I had sex with a man I barely knew last night.

“What have you been up to this week?” Carlos asks.

I freeze; he can’t know. There’s no way he could know what I did last night, no evidence, no—

Is there a smell in here?

“Not much,” I say, trying for casual as I heft Jade’s bag out of the hall. “Getting ready for school.”

And that is the reason I don’t mention Carlos’s tardiness. Because while he pays child and spousal support, there’s no way I could afford tuition. And the first thing I decided when he left me, was that I wanted to go back to school.

It might have been out of spite or just purely selfish. I gave up working when I had the girls, so the practical thing for me would have been to find a job. I had no income other than the support from Carlos. And I did find some contract work I could do part-time from home.

But I wanted more, something just for me. For so long, I had been Carlos’s wife, Jade and Jordan’s mother. I wanted to find out who Tilly was.

I had always loved English but never got a chance to study it. I thought it might be helpful if I started ghostwriting again. And I just wanted to go back to school and find out what I missed the first time, so I enrolled at City University last year. But the only way I could afford it was with Carlos’s help.

He pays for my apartment and for me to go to school. In exchange, he continues to be a big part of my life, much more than I want him to be.

It’s not a win-win but it works. For now.

“And you’re sure you want to be taking the geekfest course?” Carlos smiles like he’s joking, but I’ve known him long enough to call him fake. He always hated it when I had an interest that differed from his.

Would our marriage have lasted if we had more in common?

Definitely not. The only way our marriage would have lasted was if Carlos kept it in his pants. And didn’t spend our years together trying to dominate me into submission.

After the divorce, doing things alone was the most difficult thing for me. I still get anxious about eating alone in restaurants and making big decisions. Starting school last year set off a panic attack that lasted over an hour and left me exhausted for days.

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