Page 48 of Echoes of Us

I try to tune out Eve, but I fail to tune out Emmaline. I hear Emmaline still screaming from the loft. Still being held back by Ethan from the sound of a struggle. She is still screaming, “She is lying! I wanted this! I want to be with her!” I barely make out Ethan begging her to stop fighting him over her screams.

I pack as quickly as I can with Eve screaming and following me around the room. I grab my bag, push past Eve, and exit. In the loft, I find Emmaline on the floor. Ethan is holding and rocking her. Our eyes meet, her’s filled with tears and her breathing is heavy.

“Please, Teagan. Don’t do this. Don’t end this,” she says through gasps of air.

I said what I did to protect her. Hopefully one day she will realize that. For now, it is better if she hates me, too.

“There is nothing to end,” I snap as I begin down the stairs.

Eli and EJ are sitting at the foot of the stairs. EJ looks up at me, “Are you really leaving?” he asks, tears in his eyes.

Shit. He heard all of that. I’ll really never forgive myself for this.

“I have to. I am sorry, EJ. I will miss you, kid,” I say through tears. I bend down, kissing his head. I lean over to kiss Eli’s, then walk out the front door.

I knew my heart would break; I just didn’t know how soon.

Chapter 52

Emmaline

I sit in my car staring at the church that used to be a place of peace for me. Now, it is tainted by the trauma I have endured over the last six weeks. I dread going inside for another hour-long session of being told I am mentally ill or living in sin.

I have been meeting with Pastor Phillips three times a week since that night. My mom is holding onto the lie Teagan told them because she wants so badly to believe I was violated and manipulated. Still, she is making me meet with Pastor Phillips to learn how to avoid another moment of weakness to the temptation of a woman. The sessions are basically filled with anti-homosexual bible verses and praying for my soul.

Once I enter his office and take a seat on the couch, he begins the same way he always does. “So, Emmaline. Did you have any thoughts or temptations today? Have you thought of Teagan? Tell me why you think you are above the word of God?”

I never answer his questions. Mostly, I just think about Teagan and sit in silence until Pastor Phillips gives up. By the time I get home, my mom has received a phone call from him to let her know my “unwillingness to repent.” That usually gets me an hour or two extra of her crying or screaming, depending on her mood. I wish the sessions would work. I would give anything to stop feeling this way.

On a positive note, Mills and Gabe have been so supportive. Mills allows me cry over Teagan and motivates me to stay strong during my sessions with Pastor Phillips. She has even tried to help me find Teagan. Once, she had Gabe try to get it out of his dad. Unfortunately, Pastor Phillips knew why Gabe was asking so it just made our next session worse.

I don’t know how much longer I can go on missing her. How did I not realize what my feelings were before anything happened? Why didn’t I try harder to fight my dad and get to her before she walked out the door?

It’s been six weeks since that day. I haven’t seen or heard from Teagan since she walked down the stairs. I got my phone back two weeks after she left. I tried to call her, but her phone had been disconnected. For the first few weeks, I would replay what she said to my mom. I told myself it was to protect me, but still cried myself to sleep at night from the pain of those words. Now, I don’t know if any of it was real for her. If she really cared, she would have tried to contact me somehow. Right? I need to get past this and move on.

I walk into the house after an hour and a half with Pastor Phillips. He was determined tonight. I never thought he’d finish. I walk into the kitchen, finding it empty. I put down my lacrosse bag and walk through the dining room to the foyer. Nothing. I hear my dad’s voice from his office and walk toward the cracked sliding door. I stop at the mention of Teagan, leaning in to hear what he is saying.

“I really appreciate this, Chris.”

Pause.

“Yeah. I need to wait until Eve calms down.”

Pause.

“How is she doing by the way?”

Pause.

“Really? I knew she would excel there.”

Pause.

“Wow. Just like her mom.”

Pause.

“Saint Bart’s will be a great place to get her far.”

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