Page 44 of Echoes of Us

We always go see my grandparents for New Year’s Eve and Day in Cape May. This year, however, my parents give me the option of going or staying home with Teagan. Mom decides she doesn’t want to subject Teagan to the crazy schedule Grandma keeps us to. Of course, I chose to stay with Teagan.

There is something about her that draws me in that is both exhilarating and terrifying. I haven’t made a new best friend since elementary school, so I am no expert on what it feels like. I keep telling myself this feeling is part of breaking down my walls for someone new, especially someone I thought I hated. Every time Teagan laughs, my stomach flutters. I love how her green eyes sparkle with happiness.

The thing I’m truly confused and anxious about is what happened on Christmas. I have been waking up on her chest every day for weeks. I kept telling myself it is because I hold my pillow at night and my brain is wired to sleep like that. That night we had fallen asleep, and I woke up to the TV still on. When I got back in bed, I immediately pressed myself into her. It startled me for a second, but honestly… I love cuddling with her. There is something about waking up against her that brings on an intense warmth I cannot explain.

I am really struggling with these confusing feelings. I don’t know of any other girls that act this way with their best friends and I know anything beyond that is a sin. I always shake the thoughts away because, selfishly, I don’t want to change anything. It won’t go further because that is not who I am, but the joy and comfort I feel around her is too intoxicating to let go of.

Teagan and I are by the front door while Mom runs through her packing list. Dad and EJ wait impatiently; Dad continuously checking his watch. “Hun, you’ve checked the list three times. Can we please load the car?” Dad begs.

“Fine. Go ahead, boys. Teagan and Em, stay at home both nights, please. If you leave you need to text us. No boys over. Money for food is on the counter. Okay?” Mom rambles on.

“Mom, we are going to chill at home, order pizza both nights while watching tons of movies. Now go before you miss the first thing on Grandma’s itinerary. You won’t hear the end of it the whole trip.” I reply, rolling my eyes.

Mom nods, hugs us both and walks out the door. I turn to Teagan with a mischievous smile. “Tonight we party.”

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“I haven’t been able to throw a party since early this summer when they took EJ to camp. I am definitely throwing a New Year’s Eve party tonight,” I reply, squealing in excitement. I grab my phone and text Mills.

EM 9:12 AM

Parents are gone for two nights. NYE party at my house tonight. Invite everyone!

MILLS 9:14 AM

HELL YES. I am sending texts NOW. See you around 7!

I put down my phone, looking up to see Teagan clearly disappointed. “Wait, did you not want to have a party?” I ask.

“I don’t really like these people. I just figured it would be us hanging out, but no big deal. You haven’t hung out with your friends in a while,” she answers.

I shrug, letting it go. I really want to hang out with everyone, and I throw a great party. Teagan has had a rough go of it with our classmates, which is mostly my fault. If she lets them see even an ounce of what I have over the last month, they will love her. It is a win/win!

By 8:00 p.m., the house is filled with seniors and juniors from our school. In the kitchen, people pass around mixed drinks and beer, laughter and drunken whispers filling the air. Teagan and I started drinking a few hours before people began to arrive, but now that I think about it, I haven’t seen her since the house filled up. I go into the living room to look for her, the space is a mix of loud music, dancing, and couples kissing on couches and chairs. No Teagan. I move into the dining room where a competitive game of beer pong is in full swing. The baseball team is playing the boys’ soccer team and spectators are screaming encouragement, but no Teagan.

I finally find her in the foyer talking to Grace. They are laughing and Teagan has the biggest smile on her. Anger gnaws at me, a sharp ache twisting in my chest. I love seeing her smile like that, but not when Grace Hoffman is the one she’s smiling at. I walk toward them when I stop dead in my tracks. Devan is walking through the front door with Sally Barnes. Who does he think he is? He has the nerve to bring the girl he cheated on me with to my house party.

Teagan sees him enter and walks toward him, blazing anger in her eyes. Oh no. This is about to be really bad. One of the football guys is handing him a beer when she makes it to him. Go, Emmaline! Go stop this before it gets bad. No matter how much I will myself to move, I am frozen in place.

“Get out, Devan. Em doesn’t want you here,” Teagan demands, stepping in front of him and blocking his entry.

“Oh look, the dyke still lives here,” he replies. Everyone in the foyer laughs, except for Grace and myself.

“I’m serious. Get out, Devan,” she demands again.

Devan looks over Teagan’s shoulder and meets my eyes. He smiles slowly, then looks back to Teagan. He takes a sip of his beer, then slowly pours it down the front of her shirt. Everyone in the room bursts into a fit of laughter. Fire burns inside me. I march over to Devan and slap him as hard as I can across the face. “Get the hell out of my house!”

“Or what, Em?!” he yells, holding his hand to his now red cheek.

“Or I am calling your mom to let her know about the shit you shoot up before football games, asshole.” I say, loud enough for everyone to hear. His eyes widen, then glare.

“Let’s go, Sally.” He grabs her hand and walks out the door.

I look behind me, but Teagan is gone. Grace nods toward the stairs, so I run upstairs and into Teagan’s room.

I close the door and turn toward her. “Teagan, he’s gone. I’m so…” I stop. She is standing in the middle of her room in her bra and underwear. I walk forward, stopping in front of her.

Holy shit. Has she always been hot? I look down at her and smile. “You’re so short.” I chuckle and tuck a piece of dark hair that has fallen over her eyes behind her ear.

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