Page 77 of House of Desire

Charlie is in a white set of footsie pajamas while Alec’s look like a tuxedo.

“Do you know we had to have his made custom? What kind of world do we live in that doesn’t have tuxedo onesies but does have a tuxedo t-shirt?”

“A terrible one,” Courtney says, sarcastically.

Charlie looks at Alec with love and adoration written all over her face. “The first gift he ever gave me, other than picking me for the show, was a set of gold footsie pajamas.”

“Isn’t that precious. Alright, let’s get this show on the road. I’m starving and I want to get drunk and make out with my husband on the dance floor,” Courtney says, and we all start walking toward the pavilion.

Everyone stands, cheering, as they see us arrive. Charlie and Alec go to the head of the table on the right while Courtney and I take the left. Once we are all seated, the dinner is served. Drinks, conversation, and laughter all flow until finally, the DJ announces the first dance. They sway to the music, oblivious to anyone else in their vicinity.

“At this time, Charlie and Alec would like everyone to join them in their dance.”

Courtney’s husband immediately gets up from his chair, coming over to his wife beside me and holds out his hand. “Ready to shake a tail feather, my love?” he asks.

“Let’s do this,” she says, putting her hand in his. Before she lets him pull her to her feet, she whispers to me. “Go ask her to dance or I’ll castrate you.”

Not wanting to test her, I stand, making my way to the woman who has held my attention all evening. I’m almost nervous as I make my way to her.

“I think you promised me a dance,” I say, holding out my hand. She turns and looks up at me, smiling, and I feel my lips turn up in answer.

“I guess I can suffer through one dance with you,” she jokes.

Her hand feels perfect in mine as I lead her to the dance floor. Her arms come around my neck and I can smell her perfume. It begs me to press my nose against her wrist. My hands settle on her hips and while all my self-control goes to keeping myself from smelling her like a creep, I’m unable to stop them from sinking slightly lower than appropriate, and pulling her tight against me.

The music fades in my ears and all I know is Anastasia and how good she feels in my arms. How much I want her to stay in my arms.

“Anya, I need to apologize to you. For everything that happened at the finale.” She looks around nervously but relaxes when she realizes that no one is listening to us. She nods at me and I take it as a signal to continue.

“‘Sorry’ doesn’t even begin to cover the regret I have for the things that I said. I’d like to say that moment isn’t the person that I am, but the fact that it even happened means somewhere deep inside me that man is in me.

“My ex-wife left me. She rejected me. And I thought I was over it, but when you started rejecting me, my fight or flight kicked in,” I tell her, realizing in this exact moment Carmen was right. “That doesn’t make what I did right, or okay, and I am so sorry I caused you pain. I am working to heal the parts inside me that led to that reaction. I will do everything I can to do better.

“Because I want to see where this can go. For real. I even considered picking Carmen because you were the one I wanted for real and I didn’t want to propose when I knew neither of us were ready for that and breaking up with Carmen after the show would be easy. But I couldn’t reject you. I couldn’t let you feel that way and I figured after the show we could talk about what we really wanted and move forward. And then I hurt you even more. Will you ever be able to forgive me?”

We continue moving around the floor, but I know the song is coming to an end and I desperately need to know where I stand with this woman.

“Can I tell you why I said no?” she asks, her tone gentle.

“Please,” I beg.

“I wanted you for real, too. When I went on the show, I never thought I’d actually fall for you. I couldn’t say yes because I want my first engagement to be real.

“You had to ask someone to marry you, but I knew how much pressure would be on us. Getting engaged when we hadn’t even gone out on a real date? I couldn’t do it. I wanted us to see what happened between us in the real world. I rejected you, hoping we could agree to date.”

Hope, light and bright, flickers in my chest.

“We both did what we did because we wanted to date in the real world?” I ask. A part of me needs some reassurance that I heard correctly.

“Sounds like it,” she says with a smile.

“And you forgive me?” I ask, daring not to hope.

“I forgive you. But this is going to be the only time.”

I nod in understanding. And I do understand. I would never want to hurt her and if I can’t fix my broken edges enough so I don’t cut her, then I don’t deserve her.

“Can I ask you on a date now, then? I still want to see what could be between us.”

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