Page 75 of House of Desire

In the blink of an eye, Charlie and her father stand before Alec. He tries to say something but simply lets out a great, gasping sob before throwing himself into Alec’s surprised arms. The men hug and Alec’s lips move as he whispers something to his soon-to-be father-in-law. The older man nods before pulling away, kissing his daughter on the cheek before taking his seat next to his wife.

“Honored guests, we are here today to celebrate the love Charlie and Alec have found within each other as they stand before you ready to make a promise, through the good times and the bad,” the officiant says in a friendly voice.

He continues on, but I lose focus as my eyes move from the happy couple to Parker, standing strong beside his friend, and I can’t help but think of when he was down on one knee in front of me.

How fast my heart was beating.

How I wanted to pull him to his feet.

How I wanted it, for just a second, to be real.

Itry not to shift too much as the officiant talks about love and sacrifice. How partnerships are forever.

Over the years, I have been to exactly one wedding since Brittany left. One of my cousins was getting married about a year after I found myself in a house that would never know her again.

My parents didn’t mean to cause me pain.

But pain was all I felt.

And everything I was trying to drown.

I was drunk before the wedding even started. Watching as my cousin made her way down the aisle, I couldn’t stop swaying. My dad’s hand was rough as he caught me when I almost took a tumble, scoffing behind me. But I had told them. Over and over I told them I didn’t want to go to a ceremony celebrating the thing that was ripped away from me.

“But it’ll be good for you to get out of the house,” they said. They probably wouldn’t think the six shots of whiskey I took to even get myself into the backseat of my dad’s old Explorer would be good for me, but what they didn’t know wouldn’t kill them.

This wedding is different, though.

Listening to this man talk about the beauties and hardships of tying yourself to one person doesn’t make me want to scream. In fact, Brittany’s and my wedding doesn’t even cross my mind.

All I can think about, all I can wonder, is if I’m ever going to do this again.

I want to look at Anastasia. It takes everything in me to keep my eyes off her.

Every minute golfing and getting ready I thought about Anya. About sleeping next to her. About how soft her lips looked this morning, even when she was scowling at me.

I shouldn’t have kissed her neck. But I was a man possessed and I couldn’t have stopped myself even if I tried. Her standing against the backdrop of the ocean, staring out, she looked so lonely. Like she needed to be held.

And my arms couldn’t do anything but give her what she needed. If I’m being completely honest with myself, as Sharon is teaching me to do, I wanted her in my arms. I’ve wanted her in my arms every night since our Desire Suite date.

Having her only a foot away from me all night, unable to touch her, unable to kiss her, was excruciating. It took every ounce of my self-control to not pounce on her as she walked up the pathway.

“Alec, if you’d please?” the officiant asks.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the note cards he had been agonizing over on the golf course. Not because he didn’t have them written, but because he was worried he would lose them. He checked his pocket for them every thirty seconds, not listening to us he’d probably feel better leaving them at the room.

He clears his throat and begins reading.

“Charlie, before you I didn’t believe in fate and never really thought I needed a partner in life. After we lost my mother, I think I subconsciously decided to not prioritize love after that, after watching my dad lose the love of his life. And then I met you. And you make me believe in all of those things. In everything good in the world. You woke me up to the beauty that is living a full life. Loving you is why I was put here on this Earth and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life fulfilling that purpose.”

A few sniffles from the audience reach me and I see Courtney hand Charlie a handkerchief to dab the tears in her eyes.

“That was beautiful. Charlie?”

She doesn’t pull out a piece of paper or note cards. She just smiles at Alec.

“All I’ve wanted, my entire life, was a love like my parents’. One that weathers storms and brings light and life into a home. But now I’ve met you, now that I have you, all I want is our love. You have believed in me when I didn’t. Loved me when I couldn’t. And stood beside me when you couldn’t stand in front of me. You’ve shown me I’m strong and capable. But there’s no one else on this planet I want to be weak with. I love you and I will until I take my last breath and beyond.”

Listening to my best friend swear to love Alec for life, I realize something I hadn’t at eighteen. That love doesn’t require unwavering strength and stoicism. That sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is be vulnerable. And maybe that wasn’t a lesson I was ready to learn, open to learning, until now.

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