Page 27 of House of Desire

Anastasia walks out in another red dress that goes down to the floor. Unlike the one from the first night, this one looks like she should be frolicking in a field but her wooden movements make it seem like she’s walking in front of a firing squad, and knots start to form in my stomach on her behalf.

The opening notes start and I recognize the song immediately as one Charlie has listened to in the car. On repeat.

Her voice is husky and carries a warmth that makes you think of home and comfort. And love. She misses a note here or there, but I don’t care. I’m enthralled, despite her standing on the stage like one of Medusa’s statues. The song ebbs and flows, the lyrics about a woman telling her partner how undervalued and unloved she feels in their relationship. It’s beautiful and haunting.

She holds the last note perfectly as the recorded band concludes the song. As if pulled by an invisible string, I stand from my chair and clap in awe. Anastasia’s voice had a way of crawling into the cracks and crevices inside me, taking root despite the minor imperfections.

Steven goes first this time with his critique. “You were a little wooden in your stance, but you had a few moments where the song sounded good.” His feedback is nicer than it was to Mia, but his words still set my teeth on edge.

Anastasia doesn’t respond and I wonder if she heard a word from his mouth.

“That was beautiful. Your lower register is very strong,” Lennon says.

“That’s one of my favorite songs and you’ve done it a great service. Well done, Anastasia,” the last judge, Hank, says.

I decide to keep my comments short. It’s obvious that Anastasia is ready to be off the stage as quickly as possible.

“It was perfect. I loved it,” I tell her, putting all the feeling her singing triggered into my voice. She gives me a small smile, the most acknowledgement she’s given any of her critiques and she all but sprints off to the wings.

Lucy comes out with a guitar in a simple jeans and t-shirt and blows the entire crowd and judges away with her original song. Every note is pitch perfect. Every lyric is full of meaning. But for what she has in technical ability, I find it all missing any sort of passion.

The other girls have various successes with their performances and after what feels like hours, the show finally comes to a close.

The host comes out on the stage with all the women once more.

“Let’s give the girls another round of applause for entertaining us today with their great performances,” they say and the crow cheers. “Now, to announce the winner.”

He slides his finger under the flap of the white envelope and pulls out the card.

“The winner of this special edition of Star Search and the solo date with Parker is Lucy!”

Hot air balloons surround the open field as I wait for Lucy to arrive. A camera is pointed in my face as one of the members of production asks me questions. There are appointments for confessionals later tonight where I’ll have to go more in depth about my feelings for the various women, but these will be aired between the two dates on the episode, specifically.

“How do you feel the women did singing today?” he asks, looking down at the list of questions on his clipboard.

“I think they all did a fantastic job. That’s something I could never do, so I commend all their bravery.”

“You got in a bit of a tiff with Steven. How did it feel to hear him criticize the women?”

A shadow of the anger I felt listening to his critiques burns through me again.

“I was pissed. They didn’t deserve to be talked to like that. They weren’t there to try and participate on his show. Other than Lucy, most of them had probably never received a day of training in their lives and yet there they were, singing in front of all of us and doing a damn good job, and he was sitting there criticizing them for it. I don’t care if he’s the judge of a singing show. He didn’t need to talk to them like that.”

He makes a note on his paper while I try to rein in my protective instincts.

“How do you feel about your first solo date with Lucy?”

“I am really excited to get to know Lucy more and deepen our connection. This journey of getting to know these impressive women has been such a pleasure.” The canned answer falls from my lips without input from my brain. I wonder how the audience doesn’t get tired of these responses. I’m already tired of repeating them. And of lying. I’m sure Lucy is a wonderful woman, but the desire to get to know her further seems to be missing entirely.

But she won the judges’ votes and now here we are.

“That’s enough for now,” he says. “She’ll be here in five minutes. Take a moment to get ready. The ride will be about an hour.”

He walks off while the cameras get set up around where I’ll be waiting for Lucy to arrive so they can make sure to get all the appropriate angles.

“Parker, to your spot!” someone on the team calls out and I make sure to hit my mark they taped out of me. My left foot is on the tape as instructed.

The black SUV comes over the grassy hill before stopping. Lucy pushes the door open, stepping from the inside. Her dress is the burnt orange of the setting sun burning behind her. Thankfully, she’s wearing cowboy boots so her heels don’t sink down into the grass.

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