Page 3 of House of Desire

Some people would probably not like her delivery, but it’s exactly what I need. Someone who will tell me how it is, and call me on things, so I can be better.

“Alec picked out a ring for Charlie the other day. He asked me to help him. And Courtney, of course. He asked me and Courtney to help him,” I tell her without preamble.

We learned early on in our sessions together small talk just made me edgy and irritated.

“That’s wonderful,” she says noncommittally.

She knows there’s more to it, but she doesn’t push me. Sharon is happy to sit in complete silence for our entire hour, if that’s what it takes.

Our first session was a disaster, and I was sure as I stormed from her office she was going to fire me as a client. The questions were simple enough at first.

“Tell me about yourself.”

“What brings you here today?”

“How did your time on House of Deceit change you?”

But then they weren’t so easy.

“When’s the last time you dated someone?”

“What made you pick up and leave everything behind?”

“How does the leaving of your ex-wife continue to plague you?”

It was the last one that made me mad, unable to articulate what the moment did to me. Six weeks passed before I made another appointment, but eventually I did, at Charlie’s insistence that growth is never comfortable.

“It is wonderful and I should be happy for them, but all I wanted to do was tell him how much marriage is a lie.” I push up from my chair and start pacing, a usual occurrence. Keeping my body still is almost impossible when I have to talk about my emotions.

“And how is marriage a lie, Parker?” she says, her face thoughtful.

The wall behind her is littered with all of her different degrees, magazine covers, and various awards she has won. I’m lucky she was willing to take me on as a client, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have no desire to rehash all the pain of my past.

“People say it’s forever, but how many even last a decade?”

“Every relationship is a leap of faith. You’re handing your heart over to someone. But even if it doesn’t last forever, does that really mean it’d be better if it never happened?” Sharon asks.

“I don’t know,” I say, but my body knows I’m lying. “Maybe,” I hedge, sitting back down in my chair.

With purposeful movements, she uncrosses her legs and leans forward, resting her arms on her knees as she makes direct eye contact with me.

“If you ever want to have a successful relationship, one day, very soon, you’re going to have to come to terms with your wife leaving you.”

“What makes you think I want a relationship?” I ask her, crossing my arms over my chest like a petulant teenager.

“Don’t you?” she asks, her tone all knowing. “Being in a relationship doesn’t just mean sexually. Meaningful friendships, for example.”

“I have Charlie, Alec, Courtney, and Mitchel. Those are meaningful, platonic friendships.”

“And who else?” she asks, but she already knows the answer, so I sit there in silence. “Maybe you should go on a date and just see how it feels? Didn’t Alec’s sister,” —she flips through her notes for a second—“Lorelei offer to set you up with one of her friends? The sister of one of her husband’s teammates or something? I think it could be good for you to just try.”

“And if it is awful?” I ask.

“Then obviously you should give up after one try and remain alone for the rest of your life,” she deadpans and I smile, trying to hide the fact that even the thought of going on a date makes my stomach hurt.

Mitchel snaps in front of my face, shaking me out of replaying my session with Sharon again over a week later.

“I would be offended you’re not listening to me, but I’m used to it. What’s the deal, man?”

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