Page 44 of Wish You Would

“I’m not jumpy,” I said, glad she couldn’t see the flush that crept over my face as the lie tumbled from me.

“Mmm-hmm,” she murmured, her lips tilting up at a corner. “Tell me another lie.”

I’m super excited about my date with Halle and don’t at all wish it was with you instead.

The thought floated through my brain like a heavy gray cloud, raining right on my parade. Squeezing my eyes shut, I dropped my head into my folded arms. When had this happened? How had I let it happen? Did I seriously go from one delusion to another? Just when the first stood a chance at becoming reality?

A groan slipped past my lips before I could stop it. I winced and lifted my head enough to see if Gigi had heard. Which…she was two feet away. Of course she heard. But a girl could hope?

“You all right, Samuels?”

I faceplanted into my arms again, another groan leaving me. I was a mess. The biggest mess. There was no one messier than me, I was sure of it. "I'm fine," I said, words muffled.

"Uh huh." I felt Gigi shift across from me, and then my hair moved away from my face. I opened an eye to find her peering at me, a lethal blend of confusion and concern on her face. Her perfect, freckle-kissed face. "When I said to tell me another lie, I was being sarcastic."

"Yeah, well." I sat up and shook my hair away from my face. "You should've been clearer."

A laugh shot out of her. She pulled a leg up and rested her elbow on it. "Talk to me," she said, cocking her head. "What's got you so twisted up? Really."

I opened my mouth, then snapped it shut again. The truth was there. On the tip of my tongue. But I couldn't just... say it, could I?

Who was I kidding? It was me. Of course I couldn't say it. That was what got me here in the first place, wasn't it? The fact that I couldn't talk to someone I liked?

But I was talking to someone I liked.

The realization did nothing for the anxiety rolling through me. In fact, I was pretty sure it made it worse.

"Well?"

My eyes flew to Gigi, who was still waiting for an answer I didn't know how to give. "I, um," I started, hiding my hands under the table so she couldn't see my fidgeting. "I..."

"The date's gonna be so good." She dropped her feet to the floor and faced me. "You're awesome, Halle's awesome. You two are gonna have a great time."

I nodded, stomach sinking low in my belly. It was so casual, the way she talked about my date with someone else. As if those moments in my kitchen had never happened. As if I was the only one still thinking about last week.

Maybe I was. Maybe she’d slept fine this last week, unhaunted by memories and what-ifs and almosts. Maybe, for her, I’d been just another girl pulled in by her charm. Charm that hadn’t even been real.

It was all pretend, I reminded myself. Of course it wasn’t real.

Straightening my spine, I forced a smile onto my face. "Yeah." I traced over her face, and I ignored the chill hand of regret cupping my heart. "I'm sure we will."

She smiled back. Unfazed and unaware. "Now that we've established that," she said as she rested her chin in her hand and leaned in. "Pretend date starts...now.”

19

19 GIGI

KILLING ME SOFTLY

“No,” I said through a fresh bout of laughter. “You did not say that.”

“Oh, I absolutely did.” Parker grinned across from me, cheeks pink, eyes bright. “I honestly think that was a major turning point in our relationship.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Shaking my head, I reached for my apple juice. “Of all the people I’d tell to loosen up, Anya is probably the last on the list.”

“You say that now, but you didn't see her.” Parker cut a perfect triangle of a bite out of her pancake stack and lifted it to her lips. “She was so tense I thought her muscles had turned to stone.”

“Vaughn wasn’t any better off.” I tore my eyes away from Parker’s lips, pink and glistening with syrup, as she pulled the fork away. “Good thing those idiots managed to get their shit together. I can’t imagine dealing with that version of Vaughn forever.”

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