Page 30 of Wish You Would

I snatched the shirt from him and pulled it on. Oversized and boxy. But also the same shirt I wore to bed. Pantsless. I yanked it off. “Why would I want that?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

Instead of replying, I threw the shirt at his face. He laughed and threw it back in the pile.

“She’s gorgeous, no?”

I paused, my hand halfway to the next shirt. My mouth started to form the question, but Luke cut me off. “Don’t play dumb. You know who.” He grabbed for another shirt and handed it to me. “My question is, why do you feel like you need to look like a potato sack?”

“That’s not—”

“That is.” His blue gaze lasered in on my face. “Why?”

My arms dropped to my sides. In my mind, yesterday played again. That moment. The moment I was mere centimeters, mere milliseconds away from leaning in, from kissing those full, luscious lips, from crossing a line, invisible like the electric fences people had for their dogs. The moment the dog crossed the barrier, it got zapped.

I’d been zapped before.

I pulled the shirt over my head and glanced down. A cartoon dog’s pitiful eyes looked back at me. A choked laugh escaped me.

“Where should I start?” I faced Luke. “There’s the fact that she’s into someone else. Or that she’s my brother’s girlfriend’s little sister. And if neither of those things were true, there’s the part where I have no business getting involved with someone so…” I trailed off, a sudden surge of something I couldn’t name tightening my chest.

“It’s a bad idea,” I finished quietly, not meeting his eye.

“So cancel tonight.”

My head shot up. “What?”

“Cancel.” His expression dared me to argue. “There’s not one part of you that wants to do this. Or, rather, there are too many parts of you that want to, and you’re fighting them. So.” He lifted a shoulder. “Cancel.”

In my mind, I envisioned me texting Parker, telling her I couldn’t make it. Telling her I couldn’t keep doing this. Seeing her. Talking to her. Not having her, in any compacity of the word. And, in my mind, Parker’s face fell, blue eyes filling with disappointment. Her voice, soft with hurt, but trying to fake it, saying she understood.

I couldn’t do it.

Not yet.

I’d let her down someday. Just like everyone else in my life.

But not yet.

Luke watched my face as I came to this decision, then nodded. “All right, then.” He stood and assessed me, top to bottom. “The puppy shirt works. Now, get out of here, before you’re late.”

In the silence of my bedroom after Luke’s departure, I faced my reflection one last time. The woman who stared back at me no longer looked frustrated and frazzled.

She looked sad.

Squaring my shoulders, I met my reflection’s eyes. It’s gonna be okay, I wanted to tell her. You’re doing a good thing.

I didn’t even have to voice the words to know she didn’t believe it.

If I had knocked on Parker’s apartment door when I first arrived, I would have been on time. Right on time. Down to the second. Instead, however, I spent two minutes pacing across the welcome mat, then another three or so scrolling idly through my phone. Now, I simply stood there. Staring at the brass numbers on the door until they blurred.

“This is ridiculous,” I muttered, shoving my phone into my pocket. Exhaling one quick breath, I stepped forward and knocked on the door.

“Why, hello there.” Simon held the door open wide. “Come on in. Parker’s in the kitchen.”

I hesitated for only a moment before I stepped inside. My brain released a sigh of relief as it registered that Simon’s presence here meant that I would not be alone with Parker. Not being alone with Parker was good. Great, even.

“I cannot tell you,” Simon said as he led me through the living room, “how thrilled I am that you’re doing this. Our girl needs all the help she can get.” Flashing me a brilliant smile, he pushed open the door that led to the kitchen.

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