Page 35 of Knot Guilty

I shove into the room I share with Chelsea and head straight for the showers. Less than half an hour passes before I’m dressed and packed, and all my gear is loaded into one of the Sentinels. Next, I visit the dining hall, hoping to find Sergeant Avara.

He’s inside with all that remains of his platoon, but no one is talking or joking around like usual. Avara and the rest of his men stand at my approach.

“We’re set to fly out soon. Are you guys being relieved as well?” I ask.

“A plane is en route. We’ll probably be on our way stateside by noon. Your boss has already set up a team to meet us in Dover.”

Feeling the least awkward I’ve felt with this team since arriving, I grab a cup of coffee and sit with them until Zach retrieves me for the trip home.

A somber crew of PMCs boards the jet to make the long flight back to Norfolk. After this trip, I hope to never step foot in Iran again.

I spend a lot of time during the flight wording a letter to Brock’s parents. I know that Knot would have contacted them by now, but I feel I owe it to Brock to reach out personally. Once I’ve finished, I fight off the temptation to sleep. I want to be so tired by the time I get home that I won’t have the energy for anything except to pass out when I'm alone in my apartment.

Hours in, Chelsea barks out a watery laugh, drawing all of our eyes her way. “Remember when Brock showed up to an emergency call-out wearing a dress?”

I smile at her story and each one told after that. I don’t join in, though. Or laugh with them. Something inside me feels broken.

Knot waits with a fleet of SUVs when our plane taxis to the hangar in Norfolk. We grab our gear from the cargo hold, Knot collecting Brock’s bags himself. “Sadie, you’re with me,” he says.

Maxen and Aaron step forward to join us, but Knot raises an eyebrow at them. “The rest of you knock off for a few days. I’ll see you on Monday.”

I follow my boss to the lead SUV and shove my gear into the back. Knot adds Brock’s things, and soon, we’re both seated and rolling out of the airport.

Knot waits a few minutes before speaking. Perhaps it’s to give me time to go first. Maybe it’s just to have a moment to decompress. “I’ve spoken to Lawson’s parents.”

I don’t say anything. What is there to say? Thanks?

“Some of our guys will be meeting the plan in Dover. They’ll take one of the jets and escort his body home for burial.”

I nod without answering. The funeral is probably already paid for. Knot doesn’t like losing people, but when it happens, he ensures that the operative’s family does not bear the burden of final arrangements.

“By Bastien’s report, it was rough out there. What’s your take?”

Though I don’t feel much like talking, I answer his question. “Shaky. The men that were sent were unprepared for anything besides urban theater. They weren’t trained for or equipped for a raid on caves. By the time they found out the intel was wrong, it was too late to back out.”

“What about our people?”

“I don’t know that we could have prevented all of this, but maybe, they could have saved some of them. In the case of both raids, we weren’t allowed to advance until the sites had been taken. And then, we were dismissed when FinCEN showed up. Our mistake was not checking out the cave thoroughly once it was secured.”

“I understand that the place was well-lit, and only an infrared scan would have shown anything. IR scanning a lit room would have never made anyone’s to-do list.”

“It will now,” I say through clenched teeth.

Though I appreciate his efforts to convey that he doesn’t think us negligent, it won’t bring my friend back.

“Anything else happen that I need to know about?”

I reach up to rub the area of my ribs where my shirt covers the stitches. “No, sir.”

“How was working with Gates the first time?”

My breath quickens as flashes of his mouth on my body cross my mind. “No problems, but this wasn’t our first time working together. Just the first time we deployed on the same mission.”

Knot continues asking me questions during the entire drive back to the compound. I’m not facing an inquisition. It’s just that Knot knows my head is not a good place for me to be stuck after something goes wrong. He’s doing me a favor by keeping me focused on the job.

I’ve no doubt that I’ll be a hell of a mess later, but I’ll be able to keep it together for the time being.

The other five operatives have already left the compound by the time Knot and I arrive from his meandering drive from the airport. I store my gear, place the weaponry in my secure storage locker, and throw the rest of my stuff in the trunk of my car.

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