Page 81 of False Confidence

“Ugh.”

“Talk to me, darling. What happened?”

Jasmine was quiet, skimming her fingertips over the top of the water. Finally, she huffed, and said, “Nadia was just talking about her life and she’s achieved so much. It’s incredible how much she’s done, but I don’t know. It just made me spiral. Do you ever just feel like you’re completely wasting your life?”

“Not recently, but in general? Sure.”

“Seriously?” Jasmine sounded skeptical.

“I lost the woman I thought I wanted to marry, all my friends, and got fired from my dream job. Not to mention, my parents are super impressive people with amazing careers, and I went to art school,” he said with a wry laugh. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m really content these days, but I’m still not exactly where I thought I’d be at thirty-seven.”

“I’m not where I thought I’d be either,” she replied, her voice tinged with sadness.

“Where did you think you’d be?”

“I have no idea. I’ve never been able to picture my future—what’s the point of picturing anything when I never actually fucking follow through?” She laughed bitterly. “But I guess I thought I’d figure it out someday. Yet here I am. It’s like time moved on for everyone else and I’m still seventeen, sitting in the guidance counselor’s office with no answer when they asked me where I wanted to be in ten years.”

Her voice cracked, the sound unbearable to Liam. He swallowed. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Do you really not know what you want, or are you just scared to want it because you don’t think you can get it?”

Her spine tensed, her breath shaking as she drew air into her lungs. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I’ve ever actually managed to do anything I really wanted to. My parents forced me to get my degree. I didn’t actually care about it. And even then, I only managed it because Maggie helped me. Your dad practically handed my job to me. I didn’t earn it, and then Maggie and the rest of the team had to help me figure it out. Anything I’ve tried to do by myself, I’ve given up on. You’ve seen all the craft shit at my place. I’ve never finished any of those projects—not even a tiny fucking bracelet. I couldn’t even make myself come. I needed you for that.”

Did she really think achievements only counted if she did them alone? Liam wouldn’t have been surprised if that was one of her parents’ dinner stipulations. It was bullshit.

“I didn’t tell you why I loved Snoopy so much, did I?”

“No, just that you were obsessed.”

“One of my mom’s friends got me this Snoopy children’s book collection for my fifth birthday. There were twelve books, all for a first grade reading level. I couldn’t read them, but I memorized them because my parents read them to me every night. And they’re the only books I read by myself for the next four years, because I couldn’t read properly.”

Jasmine pulled away from him so she could turn around to face him fully, eyes wide. “Really?”

“Mhmm. I was fine with everything else in school, but not reading. I knew there was a problem because all of my friends were flying through books, but I didn’t tell anyone because I was embarrassed. I was also really resourceful, and I have a great memory, so I mostly just memorized shit and I managed to keep it under wraps until third grade, when it became really clear that I could barely read.”

It was why he’d fallen in love with art as a kid. Art didn’t need words; Liam could feel the emotions and craft a story in his head without having to read.

“I had an amazing teacher, and she spoke to my parents. There was a bunch of testing and they figured out pretty quickly that I’m dyslexic. I got lucky. My parents paid for intensive tutoring with a specialist and he gave me tons of techniques and resources to help me catch up with my classmates. I was pretty much on par with everyone else at school by sixth grade. I love reading now, but I still use most of the techniques I learned when I was ten—that’s why I read mostly on my Kindle, so I can change the font.”

“Holy shit. I would never have guessed,” Jasmine said. “That’s so impressive, Liam. You’re amazing.”

“It is impressive,” he agreed. “It’s the thing about myself I’m most proud of, actually. But I had help. I couldn’t have done that on my own. And that doesn’t make it any less of an achievement, does it?”

She frowned, as if she couldn’t fathom why it would. “Of course not. It’s an amazing achiev—oh. I see where you’re going with this. It’s not the same.”

“Why?”

“Because… Well, I actually don’t have an answer for that right now, but one will come to me,” she muttered and Liam couldn’t help but laugh at her indignant expression.

“Jasmine, darling, the things we do mean more when we do them with the people who care about us. When you’re a hundred years old, being an absolute menace in a nursing home, do you think you’re going to give a shit about what you achieved alone? No. You’re going to cling to the memories of the people who loved you so much they wanted to help you. Unlike your parents, we’re not all just sitting around waiting for you to fail.”

“I know that you believe that. And I believe that you believe that. I just don’t know how to make myself believe it,” she replied, throwing her hands up in frustration. “It’s easier not to fail if I just don’t try. That’s what makes sense in my brain. How am I supposed to change three decades of thinking?”

“Ruff-ruff.”

They both turned to look at Bray, who was trying to reach his little paws up to the tub, as if trying to join the conversation.

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