Page 84 of Angel

My heart does that stop-and-swell thing again at Angel’s worry. He cares so much. Even for people he barely knows. Even for people I should care a lot more about.

Pouting, I pull my phone out again and tap the button to play the message.

“Ricky, this is your mother. I’m calling to remind you about cousin Barry’s wedding in a couple weeks. You’re expected to be there. Call me back.”

I groan and roll my eyes. “It’s about my cousin Barry’s wedding. He’s not even really my cousin. We’re like, fifth or sixth cousins or something like that.”

Angel nods, growing reserved. And when he speaks, he’s suddenly quiet. “Yeah, I know him.”

I freeze, realization dawning on me. “Are you going to the wedding?” Say no, say no, say no.

“Probably?”

That means yes.

Angel will be at the wedding filled with people from the old neighborhood. Apparently, I have to be there too. How… what…

We blink at each other for a moment, neither of us wanting to state the obvious. What are we going to do?

“Mario hasn’t told anyone,” Angel says finally. “He hasn’t asked me about it again, either. It’s almost like he forgot.”

I nod. My throat feels like it’s closing in on itself and I’m struggling to swallow around the mess of emotions getting trapped there.

Does this mean Angel doesn’t want anyone else in the old neighborhood to know? Will I have to pretend that this thing between us doesn’t exist? The thought of it feels like stepping back into a closet that I was never really in.

“You guys ready?” Christian calls out from across the club. “The car’s all packed up, so we’re going to head out. Rhys, you want a ride?”

I take a step forward, then hesitate. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I’m allowed to have.

“I can drive you,” Angel jumps in.

When I glance back at him, there’s more than a hint of fear in his eyes. It’s the same fear sitting in the pit of my stomach.

He holds out his hand, and weak as I am, I take it. As his strong fingers close around mine, I have to fight back the tears prickling my eyes.

“We’re good, Christian. Thanks for the offer!” I call out, surprised by how steady my voice sounds when I’m so torn up inside.

“Cool. See you later!” Christian ducks out, leaving us alone again.

“My place? Hayden might be there.”

Angel squeezes my hand, then takes a deep breath, like he’s bracing himself for something. “How about my place?”

The world stutters to a stop as my brain processes his question. Then runs through it again.

“Your place?” I squeak. “But… your mom?”

He gulps, his Adam’s apple working in his throat. “We’ll be upstairs. You won’t have to see her.”

Hayden’s warnings come flooding through my mind. About Angel being deep in the closet, about being in a relationship with someone who isn’t out, someone who hasn’t even acknowledged that they’re gay. The world of hurt that I’ve most likely got waiting for me.

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to feel. Should I be excited that he wants to bring me home? Or should I be upset that he wants to hide me from his mom? Do I even want to meet his mom? Do I want to be anywhere near the old neighborhood if I can avoid it?

I don’t fucking know! Why does life have to be so hard? So confusing? Why did I have to fall in love with someone from the life I left behind?

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. We can go to your place. Or I can just drop you off, if you’d rather be alone.”

I stop Angel’s rambling with my fingers on his lips. He immediately purses them to give my fingers a kiss. My heart aches at the tenderness.

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