Page 58 of Angel

The extra money is nice, but who am I kidding? It isn’t about the money anymore.

The video went live this morning. Rhys and Sebastian both sent me texts to let me know that the initial reception has been good. Exceeding expectations even. I don’t know how I feel about that.

On the one hand, that’s good, right? We want the video to do well. But on the other hand… the video is out there now, and hundreds and thousands of people are going to watch it. I don’t think I really understood what that meant until this morning.

Sebastian had sent me the video and asked if I was still okay with it being released. I said yes without giving it too much thought. It’s not that I regret saying yes, it’s just…

“Dude.” Mario bumps me with his elbow. “What’s going on?”

I glance up at Mario, my friend since high school. I wouldn’t call us best friends, since I don’t know if I’ve ever really had a best friend. But we both played defense on the football team and we both started working in construction at the same time. Of all the guys in the neighborhood, he’s the one I’m closest to.

And I suddenly want to tell him everything. Every. Single. Thing. From following Rhys upstairs at his dad’s birthday party, to doing the whole gay-for-pay thing, to the texts we’ve been sending each other and what happened in my truck.

The words scramble up my throat, demanding to be let out. But I can’t. Mario wouldn’t understand. No one from the neighborhood would understand. It’s why Rhys moved away the second he turned eighteen. It’s why I never knew that half this stuff existed until he came back.

A strangled sound escapes me as I try to swallow the words back down.

Mario’s expression grows alarmed and he grips my shoulder, giving it a shake. “Jesus, Angel, is someone dying? Are you dying?”

“What? No! No. Nobody’s dying,” I choke out.

“Then why do you look like your nephew’s got cancer or something?”

“What?! No! Jonah doesn’t have cancer. It’s nothing like that.” I shake my head while my tummy ties itself into knots. I take a sip of my coffee, but it just burns when it hits my stomach.

“You’re gonna give a man a heart attack. Christ. Just tell me what it is.”

I open my mouth and nothing comes out at first. Then something that sounds like a dying duck escapes me. I clap my hand over my mouth as Mario bursts into laughter.

“Oh my god, Angel. You’re killing me. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.” He punches me on the shoulder. “You know we always got your back.”

And that’s the thing, isn’t it? I don’t know if they will, not about this. With anything else, sure, the people I grew up with wouldn’t think twice. But this might be their one exception.

I grip my coffee cup with both hands, hoping Mario won’t see how much they’re trembling. It’s hard to believe that I’d rather tell Mario that my nephew has cancer than tell him that I did gay porn and now I’m sleeping with a dude. I’m really, truly messed up.

“Alright. If you’re not gonna tell me, I’m just gonna start guessing.” His brow furrows like this has turned into a trivia game and he’s determined to win.

“No—” I feel slightly nauseous as he starts guessing.

“Nobody’s sick or dying. How about debts? I know your pop wasn’t great about that.”

“No, no new debts.” I drain the rest of the coffee, wincing as the hot brew burns down my throat and into my churning stomach. I toss the empty cup into the trash bin next to us, then stuff both my hands into my pockets.

His face lights up with another idea. “What about Sabrina’s baby daddy? I heard he was trouble. He sniffing around again? We wouldn’t mind showing him out of the neighborhood.”

“No, he hasn’t shown his face since they moved in,” I mutter, turning to walk back to the worksite. We still have a few more minutes on our break, but maybe if I get back early, Mario will stop asking questions I don’t know how to answer.

He falls into step next to me. “Good. Oh, wait a minute!” Mario hits my arm with the back of his hand. “You seeing somebody? You got a girl?”

That’s not exactly it, but it’s close enough to the truth that panic makes me trip over my own feet and I stumble a few steps before catching myself.

“That’s it, ain’t it!” Mario laughs, giving me a friendly shove. “Angel, you sly dog, you! You got a girl and you haven’t said a word. Who is she? You got pictures? Where’d you meet?”

“No!” I grab Mario and pull him away from the other dudes on site. “No, there’s no girl!”

Mario gives me a “come on” look. “Dude, you’re the worst liar I’ve ever met.”

Except I’m not lying this time. There’s no girl. There’s… a boy.

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