Page 43 of Angel

She says that like it’s not the most terrifying thing ever.

“Uh, I’m not dating anyone.” I scramble off the couch and follow her into the kitchen.

“It’s okay if you’re not dating yet. You can still bring her. It’s probably better this way. I can tell you if she’s any good. If she’s not, you won’t need to waste your time.”

There’s so much wrong with what she said that I don’t know where to start. But I don’t get a chance to say anything because Mama cracks open the door to the room Sabrina shares with Jonah. Slipping inside, she quietly shuffles up to the crib and peers over the side to gaze lovingly down at her grandson.

She smiles so sweetly, with so much tenderness. Guilt seeps in through the cracks of my panic. She’s such a great nonna to Jonah. She’s got so much love to give. And I want to give her more grandchildren, I do. I just… I don’t know how.

Suddenly, an image flashes in my mind.

Long, rainbow-colored hair and a slim figure. A gurgling baby held adoringly close.

“Teddy bear, come here.”

I step in closer and the baby smiles up at me with big, brown eyes that bring me to my knees.

“He looks just like you, teddy bear.”

My breath hitches as I recognize the voice. Then the bowed head lifts, and Rhys’s glowing face turns toward me.

I grip the doorframe as my knees actually go weak at the vision my imagination feeds to me. What the heck? Why? How? That’s not… I can’t…

“Angel? You okay?” Mama’s in front of me, holding the door with one hand, waiting for me to back up so she can close it.

I nod and stumble backward. “Yeah, I’m just tired. I’m gonna go upstairs.”

I’m already halfway to the door when Mama calls, “Don’t forget Sunday dinner!”

Yeah, that’s not happening. Because there’s no girl to bring. There’s only Rhys. Who’s a guy. Who I imagined holding a baby—our baby. What the actual heck?

I’m numb by the time I’ve climbed the stairs up to my apartment, and I head immediately to my bedroom where I collapse onto my bed. It groans under my weight, the squeaking sound reminding me of another bed that squeaked loudly while I was on it. While Rhys was on it with me.

Oh good heavens, what is wrong with me? I give myself a few knocks on the head, as if I can somehow reset my brain and stop thinking about Rhys.

But I’m not just thinking about him, am I? I’m imagining him as—what, the father to my child? Like we’re married?

I’m not so sheltered that I don’t know that gay couples can have babies these days. But that’s a far cry from putting Rhys in the role of my husband and turning us into dads. It’s like my brain has gotten its wires crossed, conflating my conversations with Rhys with Mama’s pestering about finding a nice girl.

That’s it. My brain is just confused. I just need to untangle these two things and put them into separate boxes in my mind. Rhys in one. Wife and kids in another. They have nothing to do with each other. They have no reason to interact. If I’m thinking about one, I’ll make sure the other is sealed up tight.

Tonight was just a momentary mix-up. I’m tired and Mama caught me at a bad time. It won’t happen again. I’ll explain to her that there is no girl and I’m just catching up with Nico’s brother after we reconnected at that party a few weeks ago. No big deal. No need to mention porn or nightclubs or pole dancing.

I drag myself from the bed and listlessly change into a t-shirt and boxers. Once my teeth are brushed, I crawl under the covers and turn onto my side, pulling a pillow to my chest. I hug it and my thoughts drift automatically to Rhys.

He’s probably still at the nightclub. I wonder how many times he’s performing tonight. He says he always goes on stage at least twice, usually three times, and sometimes four. He likes to try out new routines on Wednesday nights because there are fewer people.

Friday is when things get kinda rowdy. I’m not a huge fan of crowds, mostly because I tend to be the one knocking into other people. But if I find an out-of-the-way spot, I don’t mind hanging out for a few hours.

Rhys says Sebastian and Hayden will be there, and maybe a couple others too. They’ve all been so nice to me and at least I won’t be completely alone in an unfamiliar environment.

Two more days and I’ll finally get to see Rhys dance in real life. I wonder if it’ll be as good as the videos I’ve watched. Who am I kidding? It’ll probably be better.

My eyes drift shut as I snuggle into the bed, and my dreams are filled with rainbow-colored hair.

CHAPTER

FIFTEEN

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