Page 2 of It's All You

“So what now?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Figured I’d sleep on your couch for a while.”

“What about your job at the gym?”

“You mean the gym owned by Lucy’s brother?”

Gavin winces. “Right. Forgot that part.”

“Maybe I’ll run away and start a new life in New York.” If it’s worked so well for Gavin, then it could work for me.

Gavin’s gaze snaps to me, surprise and hurt flashing in his eyes.

“Fuck.” I drag my hand down my face. “Sorry, dude. I just…”have gotten used to lashing out with passive-aggressive comments that hit too close to home.

“That’s okay.”

But I can still hear the wariness in Gavin’s voice. He doesn’t deserve that from me. He’s never been anything but supportive and in my corner—even when he had to watch me drive my life into the ground.

“No, it’s not okay.” I shift forward to rest my elbows on my knees. “My head’s been all messed up for too long. I need to get away and reset, you know?”

“Yeah, I do know.” Gavin pushes himself to his feet and comes over to clap me on the shoulder.

I put my hand on top of his and some of the antsy restlessness that’s plagued me for months on end seems to melt away. “Thanks, dude.”

He squeezes my shoulder. “Anytime. Let me get some sheets for the couch.”

When his hand slides out from under mine, a part of me wants to snatch it back and hold it against my cheek. I shake my head. God, I really am a fucking mess, so desperate for something that feels real and good and safe that I want to nuzzle Gavin’s hand.

I run my palm down my thigh and curl my fingers around my knee so I don’t reach for him. This clinginess will pass. I just need some time to straighten my brain out. Then I can figure out what the hell I’m going to do with the rest of my life.

CHAPTER THREE

GAVIN

So much for sleeping. My alarm goes off at its normal ungodly hour, but I haven’t lost consciousness for a single second all night. My brain is too preoccupied with the man lying on my couch. My best friend since we were old enough to know what friendship is. The first boy I fell in love with. The guy I could never get over. The reason I moved away from home the first chance I got. The reason why all my relationships end with accusations that I’m emotionally unavailable.

There have been periods in my life when I tried to cut all ties with Beau. They never last. It hurts to be near him, to see him and talk to him, knowing I’ll never have him. But it hurts even more to live without him. Either I’ll miss him too much or he’ll call me asking me where I’ve been. There’s always something that draws me back to him, something that keeps me hooked, no matter how painful it is.

Beau has no idea, of course. He’s straight. Always has been. He’s never considered me to be anything other than a friend. He’s never looked at another guy with even an ounce of interest.

I’ve only ever been tempted to say something that one time.Don’t marry Lucy. I love you. Don’t marry her.I didn’t say that, though, at least not in so many words. I told him that Lucy was a nice girl, but they didn’t seem like they were the right fit for each other. He didn’t talk to me for a week after that. I can’t imagine how he would’ve reacted if I’d told him what I’d really felt.

But now Lucy’s gone. And he’s here.

Not that it changes anything. He’s still straight. I’m still in love with him. We’re still best friends and we’ll never be anything more than that.

Beau’s a lump on the couch when I stumble out of the bedroom. But by the time I’ve relieved myself and brushed my teeth, the blankets he used are folded into a neat stack and the scent of coffee wafts out from the kitchen.

He pushes a mug toward me. The coffee is laced with cream and sugar, exactly the way I like my first cup. It’s an indulgence, a jolt of richness to get the body pumping first thing in the morning.

I groan as the liquid gold flows through my veins.

Beau shakes his head. “There’s more cream and sugar than there is coffee in that thing.”

I throw him a glare over the edge of my mug. “It’s only the first cup. Nothing wrong with easing my way into the day. There’s plenty of time for plain black afterward.”

“Mmhmm, sure.” He takes a sip of his own black coffee. “Hitting the gym?”

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