Page 312 of Born of Blood and Ash

“There’s more,” he said quietly.

I nodded again, my mind returning to when I first woke up inDalos. “You…you know he fed from me the first time.That time it hurt. It was so painful, and I was relieved.” I closed my eyes.“When he did it again, it was…it was after Ione told him I was Sotoria. He didn’t make it hurt for long.”

“But he did at first?”

“He was mad. I asked about freeing you, and he was so angrythat I brought up your name while he…held me,” I said, anger rising. “That’swhen he bit me again. But then he was…gentle because he thought I was Sotoria.” Revulsion churned through me. Telling Aios this part hadn’t been easy, but every word took somuch damn effort now. “And that was worse. It didn’t feel bad, and I hatedthat. I fucking hated it.”

“It’s not your fault, Sera. Even if you felt pleasure, it’snot something you can control,” he said quietly. “I couldn’t control it when Veses fed from me.”

“I know,” I whispered for what felt like the hundredth time.I could feel his hands shaking on the daybed beside me. “I do know. Butsometimes, I can…I can feel him behind me. Moving,” I spat, my stomachchurning. “I can feel him against me, and I’m suddenly back there, unable tostop him. Unable to do anything but let it happen. Wait it out as he findspleasure and…”

“And what?” Ash asked—or begged.

My throat burned. “He…he touched me. It wasn’t the firsttime. He used compulsion against me in the beginning, right after I stabbedhim. He’d had enough of my mouth and antics, and when he returned me to Dalos, he touched me like he was unfamiliar with a woman’sbody or something.” Words rushed out of me then like a flood overflowing thebanks of a river. “But he didn’t go too far, not like he did when he fed fromme. Then, he put his hands on me, inside me—” I smacked my hands over my face,choking on what spilled out of me. And it wasn’t just what Kolis had done thattore itself from me now. It was how Tavius had tried to put his hands on me.How he’d pinned me to my bed that fateful morning Ash finally came for me. Ispat out the knowledge that if I had remained in Wayfair Castle a day longer,Tavius would’ve likely followed through on his threats.

And it just kept flooding out of me, pumping from that chasmin my chest. I didn’t even know what I was saying. I jumped from Kolis toTavius to the training to fucking Kyn and his crudeness until I was panting forbreath. Until what I thought while Kolis assaulted me became words I whispered.“I hate him. I hate Kolis, and I hate Eythos forcreating that situation. I hate the Fates for preventing him from telling youthe truth, and I fucking loathe how much everything reminds me of Tavius.”

Ash’s cool fingers folded around my wrists. “Sera, love—”

“I hate them!” I screamed, my throat convulsing. I screamedas the knot of sorrow lodged in my chest, too big to pass. Ash moved swiftly,lifting me into his arms and folding his hand against the back of my head. Iscreamed into his chest when he carried me inside, and the doors closed behindus as he brought me to the floor beside the bed. “I hate them!”

I couldn’t stop as Ash held me tightly to his chest. Ishrieked my hatred against him as the floors trembled and the call of worried draken drew closer to the palace. I raged until my angergave way to grief, and the tears no longer choked me but ran down my face. Ibroke, my screams turning into sobs that shook my entire body. At some point,those cries took on a different source.

Ash held me, his cheek pressed to the top of my head. Herocked us, assuring me it would be okay. That he was there and would always bethere. Reminding me that he loved me. Telling me to let it out as tears fellfor Ezra and Marisol. For all the lives Kolis had taken and the ones who’dperished because of my actions. I grieved for who I was before Kolis. Who wehad been. Clutching Ash’s arms, I howled the agony of losing my mother and thesmall spark of hope that had been extinguished. And I mourned.

I mourned the knowledge that the realms would never be thesame because of me.

Ash smoothed his hand over my head and ran hisfingers through my hair. He’d been doing that for…I didn’t know how long.

We were still on the floor, me in his arms, my tear-stainedcheek plastered to his chest. My head ached a little, but I had stopped crying.Finally. I had shed so many tears I didn’t think it was possible for me to evercry again.

Like with Aios, I didn’t feelbetter after telling Ash everything, but I knew I would eventually.

We were quiet for so long that I flinched when I broke thesilence with my hoarse voice. “Ash?”

He kissed the top of my head. “Liessa?”

The breath I exhaled was shaky. I was a little afraid to askwhat I did next. “My mother…where is she now?”

Ash brushed his lips over my forehead this time. “She’s inthe Vale,” he said. “I don’t think that’s what she deserves, but I thought thatwas what you would want.”

I squeezed my eyes closed. I was wrong. There weremore tears. “Thank you,” I whispered, knowing how hard it must have been forhim to send her to the Vale.

His arm tightened around me, and we fell into anotherstretch of silence. The weight of his hand and the feel of his fingers siftingthrough my hair were soothing, allowing my mind to clear. There was somethingelse I needed to tell Ash, something I’d realized while in my notaform and had come to accept.

I would never be able to slay the monstrous side of me. Iwould only ever be able to wound it. It would always be a part of me.

Drawing in a breath, I sat back. Ash’s eyes opened andimmediately found mine. “There’s something I need to say.”

His hand left my hair and swept down my back. “I’mlistening.”

“I don’t want to lose control like I did again, but I knowme,” I said. “I need you to promise me something, Ash.”

His hand halted on my lower back. “What do you want me topromise, Sera?”

A wry smile tugged at my lips. “You didn’t automaticallysay, ‘anything.’”

“I know better than to say that right now.” Tensionbracketed his mouth. “What do you want me to promise?”

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