Page 80 of Born of Blood and Ash

“But Veses—”

“She’s not worth it.” His gaze caught and held mine.“Neither of us can change the past—undo the decisions we’ve made. I’m notsaying it isn’t fucked up. It is,” he said, smoothing the hair back from myface. “But I refuse to allow anger over what is already done and over with torot inside me.” His gaze searched mine. “The deal I made doesn’t matter.”

We’d have to disagree on that.

“Please tell me you understand,” he said.

I did…and I didn’t, because his lack of regret didn’t changethe fact that he had forfeited his autonomy to keep me hidden from Kolis.Still, I nodded.

But what he’d said struck something in me. If he could movepast what Veses had done to him, then why not do thesame with Kolis?

As soon as that thought formed, I realized how shortsightedit was. Veses’ actions paled in comparison toKolis’s.

Either way, Veses would pay forher role. That was another vow I made to myself.

“Anyway,” I said, quickly kissing him, “these summonses canbe felt?”

Ash was quiet for a few heartbeats. “Not like before. Onlythe strongest and truest pleas reach us now.”

I frowned. “What does that even mean?”

“Pleas made while feeling extreme emotion,” he explained,running his fingers up under the sleeve of the blouse I wore under my vest.“Those reach us.”

“How does it feel?”

“It’s hard to put into words.” His thumb swept over myelbow. “It feels like a calling—a pull that demands your attention. You feel ithere.” He placed the palm of his other hand between my breasts. “The tuggingsensation is very similar to what I feel when I am summoned to the Pillars. Iimagine it’s sort of like your foresight demanding you do something.”

I drew a wavy line across his arm. “And what…what do you dothen?”

“It is up to you.”

“Well, that’s not a helpful answer.”

He chuckled. “It’s the truth. You can…choose,” hesaid, and I rolled my eyes, “to answer or not.”

I turned my head to the side. “You do.”

A tight, icy smile appeared. “Only because anyone whosummons a Primal of Death does so at their own risk.”

I remembered him telling me that before. Anyone summoning aPrimal of Death usually wanted something terrible.

“There is no wrong or right way to handle it. Only whatyou’re comfortable with,” he added as my gaze lowered. “And you can change yourmind at any time. You will, however, need to assign gods you trust to act onyour behalf.”

I nodded, thinking things over. Obviously, the smartestthing to do would be to not answer the summons in person. That way, I could bemore objective and…responsible.

And possibly prevent a Kolis-type situation down the road.

“It is rare for the summonses to reach us,” Ash added. “Itdoes take the type of desperation most are lucky not to feel.” He looped hisother arm around me. “I imagine you don’t have the highest opinion of my fatherafter hearing that.”

“No, that’s not the case. I mean, I honestly don’t know whatto think of any of that,” I admitted as I traced a circle on his forearm. “Ican’t exactly judge him. It would be difficult to ignore the pleas of themourning when you could do something to ease their pain.” Once more, I thoughtabout my conversation with Aios. “And I was thinkingearlier about how one decides when to grant life and when not to—like,obviously, the ability would not have been shared if the Ancients hadn’t wantedit to be used. And that can never be an easy decision to make.” I tipped myhead back. “It was one I never wanted to be in charge of making.”

He kissed my brow. “Most would not want thatresponsibility.”

“I was also thinking that maybe how someone dies plays arole,” I told him. “Like if the death is unnatural or…unjust.”

“I don’t think my father ever figured out for sure when itwas and wasn’t right to do so, but I don’t think you’ll struggle as much as hedid.”

“Why is that?”

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