Page 50 of Born of Blood and Ash

She had meant well, but she was wrong. What I’d experiencedin Dalos was nothing like what those who had comebefore me had to deal with. I hadn’t been forced to use the toys I’d found inthat chest. I hadn’t been tossed aside and given to gods who behaved like apack of rabid dogs. I was lucky.

But why didn’t it feel that way?

Chest shrinking, I felt the wind pick up, tossing long curlsacross my face. I needed to get myself under control before Ash returnedbecause I was sure I was hurling emotions in every direction.

Holding my breath this time, I used the technique Ash taughtme. Pressing my tongue to the back of my teeth, I straightened my spine andcounted, repeating it until the sensation of fists clenching my lungs eased.

I slowly opened my eyes. My pulse was calm. So were mythoughts. I was…level.

My gaze flicked down. Sunlight glittered off the shadowstone railing that Nektashad been perched upon last night. I lifted my gaze to the sky and saw somethingI’d never seen in the Shadowlands before. Clouds—thick, fluffy clouds. Andbetween those puffs, stars glimmering vividly. It was an unreal and beautifulsight.

Tipping my head back to the sun, I closed my eyes andinhaled deeply. The stagnant scent from before was gone. The air was pleasant,if a little on the cool side, reminding me of the autumns from my childhoodmemories before the days and nights became overbearingly hot and humid.

I looked out over the courtyard. Thin tufts of green brokeup the barren brown land.

Was that what was happening in Lasania,too? Was the soil already beginning to repair itself and sprouting new life?Better yet, what did my stepsister Ezra think?

“What is my mother thinking?” I asked aloud and then let outa short, shaky laugh.

Honestly, they probably weren’t thinking about much beyondbeing so damn relieved. With the end of the Rot, more than just the decayingland would change. The weather would, too—the stifling heat and long droughtsended only by torrential downpours that did more harm than good. More fieldscould now be plowed. Crops planted. The people of Lasaniahad more than just a future. Queen Ezmeriaand her Lady Consort Marisol could plan for a future, and that of cominggenerations. There was hope.

And I supposed once the shock lifted, they’d begin to thinkabout how this was all possible. They’d probably assume I was dead. What elsewould they think? They both knew I couldn’t survive what we’d believed my dutyto be—a fact that had always bothered Ezra.

And something my mother had accepted.

Though everything was different now. I doubted I would besuch an utter disappointment to her when she realized I was Queen of the Godsand the Primal of Life. Maybe she’d be interested in actually being amother to me.

I pressed my lips together as an uncomfortable mass of guiltfrothed to life. Was it fair to think of my mother that way? I wasn’t so sureanymore, as I thought about her in the Wayfair gardens.

She’d found me sitting in front of beautifully scentedflowers with purplish-blue spikes. She’d said that my father also enjoyed them.It had been one of the rare times she’d spoken of him. She’d been crying thatnight, and I didn’t think it had much to do with the ache in her head thatoften plagued her. Those tears had everything to do with my father. Herfeelings were wrapped up in a whole lot of grief because when she looked uponme, she saw my father and felt nothing but heartache.

Still, I was her child. It wasn’t my fault that KingRoderick had made that deal all those years ago, setting everything in motionand inevitably leading to my father’s death.

A biting ache I thought should’ve vanished by now slicedthrough my chest. Everything with my mother still cut deep, even after allthese years—even as I grew to have a better understanding of her. And maybethat would never go away, only lessen with time.

But I wanted to see Lasania formyself. I wanted to see Ezra, Marisol, and even…gods, even my mother. But Iknew that would have to wait.

I leaned out, stretching until I saw the Red Woods. “Goodgods.”

The large swath of crimson leaves was afirein the sunlight, a sight just as beautiful as the sky despite the blood of thegods entombed beneath them that gave the leaves their vibrant color.

Gods that were as cruel as Kyn.

The skin along my neck tingled as I took in the shocking,almost twisted beauty of the Red Woods. Many of those gods had been entombed byEythos himself. Not all. Quite a few had been placedthere by Ash, but I knew those beneath the trees were the worst sort.Some were power-hungry. Others were lost to bloodlust. Many were abusers.Rapists. Most saw mortals as beneath them and only suited for worship andservitude.

I also knew they were loyal to Kolis—or would be if everfreed.

While Kolis hadn’t gone into that much detail with his plansfor exactly how he intended to humble mortals if he Ascended as thePrimal of Life and Death or continued on as he was now, I knew he sought a moreactive role among the mortals.

Those entombed gods would support such endeavors.

Essence thrummed hotly through my veins. I doubted that anyof them would have a change of heart upon Awakening. Why risk the chance ofanother Primal attempting to free them, but for vastly different reasons thancausing a distraction this time?

All were users of some sort, destined for an eternity in theAbyss. So, why delay it?

Power gathered in me, pooling in my chest. The eather throbbed there as my grip tightened on the railing.I could end them before they had a chance to become a threat.

And I should.

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