Page 49 of Born of Blood and Ash

Gods, she did. Unfortunately, she had ended up as one ofKolis’s favorites. I knew now, without a doubt, that her suspicion that it hadbeen because of her hair color was correct. Breathe out.

“And I just wanted to say that I don’t need to know what mayhave occurred to know that I’m so sorry for whatever you experienced.”

“Thank you.” Breathe in. My fingers dug into thearm of the couch as I made myself meet her gaze. Hold. “With somehelp, I was able to convince Kolis that I was Sotoria.Because of that, I…I got lucky.”

“Lucky?” she repeated. “Compared to who?”

My ribs felt like they were too small. “To all those notsitting here who are free of Kolis.”

Aios’s mouth opened and thenclosed. “Very true.” Her fingers continued dancing over the chain. “But I knowthe whole time I was held and made to listen to him, he only ever spoke abouther.”

Her.

Sotoria.

Fucking obsessive creep.

My breathing exercises belly-flopped out the window.

“So, I also know that my luck traveled further.”

Kolis had never touched any of his past favorites. Thatwasn’t the case for me. My chest shrank until it felt as small as a thimble.

Aios fixed another pained smile onher face. “I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need to talk, I’mhere. Okay?”

“Okay,” I said, knowing my smile was as wrong as hers. “Iappreciate that. I do. But what happened when I was there? It was nothing.”

Aios was speaking. Her lips weremoving, but all I heard was “it was nothing” echoing over andover. But it was in Veses’ voice. The Primal bitch ofRites and Prosperity had said the same thing in response to what Kolis had doneto her. And as much as I hated her for what she’d done to Ash, it hadn’t been nothing.What had been done to me wasn’t—

Panic blossomed, and while it didn’t stir the embers, it didloosen my tongue. “When you were held?” I cut Aiosoff. “Were there chests in the cage he kept you in?”

Aios went quiet.

I turned my head toward her, knowing her silence was myanswer. “I saw what was in them. I know what he had his favorites do with them.So, I don’t think your luck could’ve traveled much further than mine.”

Aios blanched, sucking in a sharpbreath.

Guilt seized me immediately. “I shouldn’t have brought thatup. I’m—”

“Don’t apologize,” she interrupted, eatherpulsing brightly in her eyes.

“But I think I need to.”

“No, you do not.” She leaned in until our faces were inchesapart. “I get it, Sera. More than anyone here. Maybe more than even Nyktos. I get it. The anger. The fear. The fuckingawkwardness,” she said. At any other time, I would’ve giggled at hearing hercurse, but not now. Never now. “The helplessness and the godsdamnchoking shame. I know how all that feels. How all those feelings becomesomething worse than any act committed against you.” Streaks of eather darted across her irises. “Because that anger, thefear and awkwardness, the helplessness and shame, they get into you. Into yourvery marrow. And it’s hard to claw them back out.”

I choked then, dying a hundred times without my heart everstopping.

“You will say and do anything to avoid feeling or thinkingabout it, but eventually, you have to.” Aiosstraightened, her features stark. “Because no matter what, Sera, it wasn’t nothing.”

CHAPTER NINE

The late-morning sun warmed my face as Istood at the balcony railing. I was never much of a fan of the sun, preferringcloudy, overcast days. It probably had a lot to do with the unbearable heatthat plagued Lasania. But now, I wanted to soak it upuntil I disappeared into its warmth.

I was so unbearably cold inside.

Aios had left only minutes ago,but her voice was in my head as my hands curled tightly around the railing.

It wasn’t nothing.

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