Page 357 of Born of Blood and Ash

“This is not worse.” I set my glass on the nightstand. “Thisis just reality.” I walked toward him. “I’m sorry, Ash. I wish we didn’t evenneed to have this conversation. I wish things were different. I want things tobe different for us. I want to spend being pregnant worrying about being a goodmother or how painful birth will be. I don’t want to spend it worrying aboutwhat new horrific act Kolis will commit—and that is if I’m lucky. Because ifwe’re not? It’s over. It’s all over. I will lose control. I will take Kolis outor die trying—”

“Don’t speak of dying,” Ash said, whipping toward me. Hiseyes were wide and full of pure, wild eather. “Don’t.”

“Then don’t make me fear that,” I whispered. He started toturn from me, but I caught him before he could, curling my fingers into thehair at the nape of his neck. “Please.”

A shudder went through Ash as he stepped into me, folding anarm around my waist. “Do you have any idea how hard this will be for me?” Hepulled me to his chest. “When every instinct in me demands that I do everythingpossible to keep you safe?” He curled his other arm around my shoulders. “But Iknow you know how it feels. The only difference is that you are willing to faceit head-on, and I’m trying to do everything to prevent it.”

I held him even tighter than he embraced me. “I think wejust show our love in different ways.”

A rough chuckle stirred the hair on the top of my head. Amoment passed. “Exactly how mad would you be if I locked you in this chamber?”

“I’m not even going to take that question seriously.” Irubbed my nose and cheek against his chest. “We just need to be careful.”

“You need to be careful, liessa,”he corrected. “For both of us to do what needs to be done, it’s going to bejust as hard on you as it is on me. I have to allow you to fight, and you’llneed to allow me to put myself in front of you. You’re going to have to pullback and not rush into battles.”

“I never rush into battles.”

“Sera.”

“What?”

“You’re a terrible liar and that has not changed.”

I pressed my forehead to his chest. “Whatever.”

“I will do everything not to hold you back, but you alsohave to meet me halfway on this. It is the one time I will ask you to be lessbrave.” His fingers delved into the hair above my braid. “And I can alreadyfeel how much you hate that.”

I closed my eyes. He was right. I did hate the truth of whathe said.

He tilted my head back so our eyes met. “But if we’re bothgoing to do this, you need to promise me you won’t take any chances.”

“I promise.”

“I wasn’t finished.”

I frowned.

His lips quirked. “And you also have to promise me you willstep out the first moment you’re even remotely injured. Get to safety.”

I opened my mouth.

“You’re not just doing that for me. You’re doing it for ourchildren,” he said, the eather retreating from hispupils. “But you also need to promise me one more thing.”

“There’s more?”

He ignored that. “You have to promise me you won’t hold backwhen it comes to fighting Kolis—fighting anyone.”

I frowned. “Didn’t you just tell me to hold back?”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” he said. “I asked younot to rush into battles. What we are talking about now is not holding backwhen there is a battle.”

Getting what he meant, I nodded. “Holding back in battle hasnever been a real concern.”

“Before? I would agree. But after what happened in Lasania…” His hand curved over my shoulder as I moved tostep back. “You made me swear to you I would put you in the ground if you lostcontrol.”

My stomach hollowed. “That hasn’t changed.”

“I didn’t say it had.” His chest rose deeply. “You need topromise me that your fear of losing control will not stop you from usingeverything you have in you. That it won’t stop you from being a littlemonstrous.”

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