Page 33 of Born of Blood and Ash

It felt like all the air had been sucked outof the chamber. My lips parted as my mind began racing, but the stench of stalelilacs returned, choking me and not allowing any words. What else? Whatelse?

Nothing.

That was what I needed to say. Nothing else really happened.

But I could still feel the scrape of Kolis’s fangs againstmy throat. A shudder slithered its way down my spine, and I jerked my handaway. I took a deep breath and held it, utilizing the breathing techniquesHolland had taught me. All I had to do was look around to see that I wasn’tbeing held captive. I wasn’t in a cage—a gilded cage that no longereven existed. I’d destroyed it. I’d taken Kolis out—if onlymomentarily. I’d freed Ash from his prison.

Breathe out.

That had been me and my strength—strengthfueled by pure rage, terror, and agony.

I knew that, but it felt like a part of me was still lockedaway where all my rights and freedoms had been stripped away, taking myidentity and voice with them. The desperation and helplessness I neverwanted to feel again crept in, threatening to soak my skin like rancid water.The rot of those emotions pressed in on me, and in the deafening silence of thechamber, I felt I would drown in them if I wasn’t careful. I wanted to shedthose feelings like a serpent discarded its skin, but they lingered like a badomen.

I’m not there.

I didn’t even understand why I was so affected. I should beable to handle this better. Whether Ash or Kolis, becoming the Primal ofDeath’s weakness and ending him had been my duty since birth. I’d been trainedto fight from the moment I could lift a sword. Groomed to seduce as soon as Ibecame old enough to learn how flesh could become a weapon. I lived theentirety of my life knowing what was expected of me, yet I hadn’t been preparedfor Kolis’s volatile mood shifts and twisted sense of honor. His cruelty andmanipulation. His obsession. And even his moments of tainted kindness.

I hadn’t been prepared for when he threatened to give me toKyn, the Primal of Peace and Vengeance, who was nearly as messed up as Koliswas.

What else did he make you do?

I hadn’t been ready to stand by as he turned a Chosen intosomething neither mortal nor god, but rather a being that hungered for blood.No amount of training had prepared me to pretend to not only be willing tospend time with him but also enjoy it. Breathe in. To see his fake,well-practiced smiles, and worse yet, the real ones whenever I made him happyor he spoke about Sotoria. Hold. Witnessinghow he came alive then, finally showing he was capable of feeling somethingother than malice and self-persecution.

What else did he make you do?

To allow him to sleep beside me. Hold me. Remain still as hefed from me and found pleasure—

“Liessa,” Ash whispered.

The sound of his voice jerked my head back, snapping me outof my thoughts. My gaze flew to his. I had no idea how long I’d been sittingthere. Definitely more than a handful of seconds. Had it been minutes? My heartwas still pounding.

Reaching between us, Ash gently folded his hand around mywrist and pulled my fingers from my throat.

Dozens of tiny balls of unease settled in my stomach.

There is more.

I knew that.

Ash knew that.

“Talk to me,” he said, so quietly I could almost pretend hehadn’t spoken.

I wanted to run for the balcony doors. A better option wasto change the subject slightly, and I knew exactly what to bring up.It was possibly the most important thing we needed to discuss and hadn’t yet.

“There isn’t much to say about any of that.” I cleared mythroat as I slipped my hand free of his. “But we do need to talk about Kolis.What are we going to do about him?”

That muscle flexed along Ash’s jaw again as he reached forhis glass and drank while I did everything in my power not to squirm.

Did he realize I’d changed the topic on purpose? Of course,he had. But had it angered him? Disappointed him? I didn’t want that. I just couldn’ttalk to him about that. Not now. Not when I didn’t even know what to thinkabout it.

After what felt like a small eternity, Ash said, “Discussinghow we’re going to remove him from power is something we need to talk aboutwith Lailah and Theon. Even Attes,” he said,surprising me a little that he thought to include the other Primal in, well,anything. “But we do need to be on the same page regarding what to do withKolis.”

“Agreed.” I relaxed a little. “We know we can’t kill him.”

“Unfortunately, not at this point.”

My thoughts flashed to Sotoria,and my stomach soured. “Nor can we allow him to continue as the false King orthe true Primal of Death. So, what does that leave us with?”

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