Page 321 of Born of Blood and Ash

He was quiet for what felt like a small eternity. “Whenpeople think of war, they imagine endless, grand battles fought across manylandscapes. They think it’s nonstop violence stretching from one kingdom to thenext the moment conflict erupts, leaving hallowed ground behind. In theirminds, they see cities sacked and burned, left to rot along with the corpses ofthose who would’ve died for peace but perished for being in the way. One speaksof war, and mortals hear the pounding of warhorses’ hooves, the clash ofswords, the cries of the wounded and dying, and the whistle of arrows piercingthe air. They picture men who were once loving fathers and sons, gentlehusbands and tender lovers, becoming blood-hungry beasts, knowing that no one,neither King nor servant, will return without pieces of them forever lost.That’s the kind of war mortals expect—that the young, in their naïvety, romanticize. Bloody, brutal, and unforgiving inits indiscriminate slaughter. That’s not the kind of war Primalsand gods were meant to engage in,” he said, causing small bumps to rise alongmy arms. “However, that is the kind of war Kolis has started.”

Attes’s voice lowered, and he heldmy stare. “But what mortals and even some Primalsdon’t realize is that there is rarely a distinct winner in that kind of war.The victor is simply the one who still stands. Not because of sheer willpoweror even the greater strength in their values. The victor stands simply becauseof their brutality.” One side of his lips curved up, hinting at a deep dimplein his scarred cheek. “But they never stand for long. Because despite everylife they took, every city they burned, and every family that was simply in theway as they destroyed things to reach their target, twice that will inevitablyrise to raise swords against the victor. That kind of war can never be wonbecause it never ends. There are only reprieves.” Eather streaked across hiseyes. “But what you seek is how wars are won. Through cunning and preciseactions before a single piece of armor is pierced on the battlefield. It is noless harsh, but it is not brutal. What is, is the morality of fools. The choiceto make war instead of going after only those who have made the decisions thatcreated the conflict. That is brutality.”

CHAPTERFORTY-EIGHT

Releasing my death grip on the porcelainsides of the toilet, I rocked back.

By some miracle, I’d made it—barely—to the bathing chamberbefore what felt like everything I’d eaten at breakfast made a reappearance.

Thankfully, Attes and Ash were atthe Black Bay, speaking with Lailah. Ash hadn’t wanted to leave my sidesince…well, since everything. But as soon as we’d finished speaking with Attes, my stomach had started churning. I was supposed tobe downstairs with Rhain, but right now, my thoughts were on whatever the hellwas going on with my body.

I’d felt fine one moment and not the very next second. Wasit a lingering consequence of my fight with Kolis? Or did it have more to dowith all the mental and emotional stuff? The grief? Like what I’d finallyshared with Ash and the promise I’d made him make? Trauma did weird things tothe body. Or was it seeing the raw emotion Attesstruggled to control when speaking of both Sotoriaand his brother?

Honestly, I didn’t think it was any of those things. Or evenmy anxiety. I had been nauseous off and on since I Ascended, but I was past thepoint where I should be feeling any lasting effects.

Come to think of it, I had been nauseous while in Dalos. Granted, there was a realm of reasons to explainthat, but…

Muscles in my sides aching and my throat stinging, I roseand went to the vanity. I rinsed my mouth and splashed cool water on my face.My temples throbbed, likely from the retching. It had been quite…vigorous. Iwinced, really regretting the extra helping of spiced sausage. Another wave ofnausea swelled. Squeezing my eyes shut, I gripped the edges of the vanity. Skinclammy and stomach in knots, I focused on breathing through my nose until thesensation passed. I still didn’t move for several minutes, half-afraid I wouldfind myself on my knees once again. Though I wasn’t sure what was left insideme at this point.

I pried my fingers from the vanity and stepped backgingerly. My reflection stared back at me. The bruises on my neck were faint, agross bluish-green shade, but they were still there.

Shouldn’t they have completely healed by now? The answer wasyes, and I knew I wasn’t the only one thinking that. I’d caught Ash staring atmy throat several times this morning, his jaw clenched and ticking.

Pressing a palm to my unsettled stomach, I shuffled into thebedchamber and made a beeline for the bed. I lay down on my back and closed myeyes. Hopefully, whatever this was would pass in a few minutes. We had thingsto do today.

A war to start and end.

And our first move was summoning the Primals.

I swallowed, grateful the sour bitterness was gone and thepounding in my temples had begun to ease.

Gods, I felt like a mess.

A gross, tired mess.

Why was I still so damn tired? I had fallen back to sleep,and we’d slept in. Despite all that had led up to it, it had been a deep,restful sleep…

The corners of my lips turned down. The fatigue wasn’tanything new. Before the attack on Lasania, I hadbeen really tired in the evenings, and I’d slept deep and long. Even with thenightmares, that was something new for me. In the past, I’d rarely reach alevel of sleep deep enough to dream. And if I did, I didn’t remember them.

That sensation came again. Like I was forgetting something.But this time, I didn’t. It had to do with dreams. Or a dream. Likethe one I’d had while in stasis. The one where I’d been in my lake, and therehad been a large feline on the bank, her coat the color of moonlight. She hadbeen me. My nota. And she hadn’t been alone, had she? She hadn’t. Inthe shadows of the Dark Elms, there had been movement.

Two smaller…cubs.

I jerked upright so fast my stomach cramped. I started tostand, but the connection between my brain and limbs appeared to be severed asmy thoughts raced, landing on one question.

When had I menstruated last?

I started to think back, week after week, before losing theability to count joined my inability to move. All I knew was that it had beenweeks. Like a lot of weeks. Enough that more than a month had passed.Enough for the on-again-off-again nausea to make sense—

Oh, gods.

“No,” I stated, my voice hoarse but loud. “I’m freaking outfor no reason.”

And I was, because what I was thinking couldn’t be possible.For the very shaky timeline to add up—for me to even feel some of the telltalesigns of a…pregnancy—it would mean that I conceived weeks ago. Amonth. Maybe even two. Perhaps even the first time Ash and I had sex. But thatdidn’t make sense. A child could not be born of a Primal and a mortal—

But had I ever really been mortal?

“Oh, fuck,” I whispered.

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