Page 308 of Born of Blood and Ash

Ash had been feeding from Rhain.

A shaky breath left me, and I closed my eyes. That wasn’tthe only thing I’d been thinking about, though. What I’d done occupied mythoughts, as did what Ash had said to me. He had been right. I had to face it,accept it—even though it would be painful—and live with it. Accepting it alsomeant facing a harsh truth about myself.

And what I’d been through.

Not just with Kolis but also with Tavius and my training.I forced myself to sit with it just like I had that day in the library. Toacknowledge things I hadn’t shared with Aios. MomentsI’d convinced myself weren’t happening when they were, and still pretended tothis very moment hadn’t occurred. But no amount of refusing to acknowledge whathad really taken place when Kolis fed from me stopped the truth from hauntingthe farthest recesses of my mind or finding me in sleep.

When Kolis bit me the second time, he hadn’t just held me ashe found pleasure. I counted my breaths.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

He had touched me as he fed from me. He’d held me in hislap, my feet unable to touch the floor, and the hand that skimmed over thefucking poor excuse for a dress had slipped under.

My hands were clenched as tightly now as they had been then.No matter how far I had retreated in my mind as part of him invaded me, mysubconscious still remembered. My body could still feel the rough, scalding jabof his fingers. Mentally, I hadn’t been there when it happened, but a part ofmy soul had been there every single fucking day since. And telling myself itcould’ve been worse no longer helped. Saying that it wasn’t assault justbecause he’d used his fangs and fingers instead of his dick didn’t change thatit was. It didn’t change who I was. Didn’t change that I had been a victim.

My nails dug into my palms as I counted. One, two, three,four, five. Being a victim wasn’t a weakness, a stain, or something to beashamed of. All those ugly things were bestowed upon the victimizer. Thatwasn’t on me.

“Sera.”

My eyes flew open at the sound of Ash’s voice. I’d been solost in my thoughts I hadn’t heard him walk out onto the balcony or felt howclose he was, standing only a few feet from me.

His hair lay free, brushing his bare shoulders and thathard-as-granite jawline. He moved as if to come closer but halted, his eyesburning brightly under the starlight. “What are you doing out here, liessa?”

I swallowed. “Thinking.”

He stared at me intently, like he did every so often, and Isuspected he was checking to see if all the bruises had faded. Most of themhad. Just a few pale blue ones remained, and I knew it bothered him. Thebruises should be completely gone by now, and I was willing to bet I would behaving a one-on-one with the Healer tomorrow if they weren’t.

“And freezing while doing so?” he said finally.

A wan smile tugged at my lips. “It’s not that cold.” My gazemoved, taking in the hard-packed muscles of his chest and abdomen. Even hisfeet were bare. “I have far more clothing on than you do.”

“Good point,” he acknowledged with a tilt of his head. “ButI don’t feel the cold like you do.”

It was strange that Kolis now felt as cold as Ash, butKolis’s frigidness hurt to come into contact with. Ash’s never did. My gazeswept over his face. There were still faint shadows of weariness under hiseyes.

His chest rose with a deep breath. “How long have you beenawake?”

“I don’t know.” I glanced at the sky, seeing no hints ofdawn. “A couple of hours.”

Concern flickered across his features. “You’ve been out herethis whole time?”

“I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to wake you.”

“I’d rather you had awakened me.” He came forwardthen, sitting beside me.

“You’re tired, Ash, and you need your sleep. The fact thatyou didn’t wake up when I left is evidence of that.”

“You need your rest, too.” His gaze dropped to my hands inmy lap. “More so than I do.”

Ash reached over and picked up my hands. He carefullystraightened my fingers, stiffening when he saw the three littlecrescent-shaped marks on each of my palms left behind by my fingernails.

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