Page 305 of Born of Blood and Ash

I nodded, tucking my legs up under the blanket. He grabbedpants from the wardrobe, and I sat there, eyes glued to the bathing chamber. Heleft the door open, and I saw him strip down. His movements were quick. When hestepped out of my line of sight, I heard water splash. I knew he wouldn’t takenearly as long with himself.

I was right.

Within a handful of minutes, he was once more in thebedchamber, the loose cotton pants clinging to the skin he hadn’t driedthoroughly. Water still dripped from his hair when he came toward me, roughlyrubbing the towel over his head.

“Ash?” I whispered.

He tossed the towel back into the bathing chamber, thenstarted toward me but stopped as my anxiety spiked. “It’ll be okay, Sera.”

A tremor went through me. “How?”

“Because we will make it okay.”

It wasn’t that simple.

I forced myself to meet his gaze. It was hard. So manyemotions and too many thoughts crowded every part of my being. “You know what Idid?”

He didn’t look away as he sat on the floor a few feet fromthe bed. “I do.”

“How do we make that okay?” I asked, my heart rate pickingup. “I—I can’t…”

“You can’t what?” he asked quietly.

I shook my head, pressure starting to build in my chest.“I…I can’t believe what I did.” The words tore at my chest, rattling me. “Ican’t believe what I caused.”

Ash…flinched. “Liessa—”

“Part of the reason you were trapped at the Pillars foralmost two days was because of what I did.”

“Sera, that’s—”

“It’s true.” Tears crowded my eyes, and I stood on numblegs, wrapping the blanket around me. “I lost control. I killed people—innocentpeople, Ash.”

Eather streaked across his eyes, and his body tensed. “Youdid.”

You did.

He wasn’t denying what I’d done. I didn’t want him to, but asmall, childish part of me wanted him to be oblivious to it. How fucked up wasthat? I started to turn from him.

“Don’t,” he said. “Don’t shut down. We need to talk aboutthis. No bullshit, Sera. No lies. No half-truths. No hiding.”

My lips trembled, and I pressed them together to stop them.

“Okay?” His eyes searched mine. “Sera?”

“Okay.” I closed my eyes. A storm of emotions brewing insideme, stirring the eather. “I…I should’ve listened toyou. You said Kolis would do something terrible if he felt threatened. You wereright. I knew you were right, and I should’ve listened, but I didn’t think hewould do that.”

But that wasn’t entirely true, was it? I knew Kolis could behorrifically cruel.

“I didn’t want to believe it,” I admitted.

“Who would?” He looked up at me. “Who would want to believehe would do that?”

“Who would want to believe what I did?” My legs shook.

The air around us dropped several degrees when Ash’s angerrose to the surface. “What you did is not the same as what Kolis did.”

“I knew what would happen if I killed a Primal without therebeing another to take their place, and I still did it.” I opened my eyes, and eather gathered like a knot in my chest. “And if I hadcaught Kyn, I would’ve done the same to him.” My breath came in short, shallowpants. “Do you know I went to Dalos? I destroyed theRise.”

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