Page 287 of Born of Blood and Ash

“Listen to me. Please,” he said, the stars in his eyesbrightening. “You know what happens if you bring them back. Other lives will beforfeited to take their place.”

Oh, gods.

I hadn’t even thought of that. How many villagers had Ibrought back? A hundred? No, more… Two hundred? Three? That meant…

I briefly closed my eyes. “I don’t care.” I turned back toEzra.

“You must care,” Holland insisted. “It is the only waybalance can be kept.”

“Fuck balance!” I screamed, and lightning streaked overhead.“Where were you to remind Kolis of balance when he ordered this? Where were anyof you? Where—wait.” My entire body jerked. “Did you see this,Holland?”

Holland’s eyes closed.

“Did you know this would happen?” I shouted. “And donothing? You knew these people! You knew Ezra—” My voice gave out, and my handsfisted.

“Sera,” he rasped, pain etching his features. “There aremany threads, many possible outcomes. Ones we cannot interfere in—”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I had to forcemyself to move back and look away from Holland before I lost control.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated.

I looked down at Ezra and then swung my gaze to where mymother now lay on the ground. A shudder went through me. The gnawing painseemed endless as another lightning bolt raced across the smoke-filled sky. “Itold them to call my name. Said I would come. Ezra didn’t do it. But I heardher shrieks—” I cut myself off. Anger and anguish flooded my senses. “Whydidn’t she call for me?” I looked back at Ezra. “Why didn’t you do what I toldyou? Godsdamnit!” I screamed. “Why?”

“You know why,” Holland said softly, sadly. “She would neverwillingly endanger you.”

That made it worse.

Because this—all of this—wasn’t just Kolis’s fault.

“Ezra will be with Marisol and her father once more,”Holland said. “You need to let her go.”

I shook. “My mother…”

“You need to let them all go, Sera.” His voice was closer.“This is not where you are needed, and you’re in no condition to continue asyou are.”

Tremors ran up and down my arms as I closed my eyes again.“And where am I needed?”

“A god who serves in Lotho must beAscended soon,” he said. “The energy Embris’s deathreleased is making its way across all the realms. It must return to a vesselbefore it circles back—”

“I know what will happen,” I cut him off. “That doesn’tchange what I must do. I have to bring Ezra back. I have to bring them allback.”

Holland’s sigh was heavy. “I don’t want to hurt you, Sera.”

Crushing agony formed a tight ball in my chest. I opened myeyes, slowly faced him, and all I saw at that moment was an Ancient standingbefore me. One who had known all along that those he’d laughed and foughtbeside would die like this.

Streaks of swirling eather brimmedbeneath his flesh. “Eythos once found himself in asimilar position. A plague struck down a village he favored. He brought themback—all of them—even though that was not what the realms needed. And hecontinued to do so, each restored life leading to others believing there would alwaysbe a second chance. And each life cost another theirs until he had ended thelives of as many as he restored. By the time he realized his folly, it wasalready too late. It was expected from him. You need to be better than that,Sera.”

“I don’t care what Eythos did,” Ispat. “Nor do I care about being better than him or anyone. That is what led tothis!”

“How?” Holland shook his head. “How can you think that?”

“Because trying to be better is what stopped me from goingafter Kolis. Trying to be better is what prevented me from refusing his dealand entering the eirini.” My wounded handached as I lifted my fists. “Trying to be what I’m not is what allowed this.”

“And what are you, Sera?”

“What you trained me to be,” I snarled. “A fighter. Akiller. Not some fucking benevolent ball of goodness.” I shook. “If I had justlistened to my gut from the beginning—”

“Things would’ve been different?” he finished. “Maybe.Perhaps if you had rejected Kolis’s offer, this never would’ve happened. Ormaybe you would’ve lost those here and more in the battles that followed. Maybeif Kolis hadn’t kept all his pain to himself, he would’ve turned outdifferently. Maybe if you hadn’t held in all your pain, you wouldn’t have givenin to it now. Many things could’ve been different, but this is what happened,”he said. “Now, you must do what is right for the realms.”

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