Page 276 of Born of Blood and Ash

At some point in that time and space, I told her everything.It was almost like I wasn’t there. My lips and tongue moved without consciouseffort. I stood without realizing it, and everything just came out of me. Andwhen I was done…

“I thought I would feel better after saying something.” Aragged laugh left me as I sat, my spine stiff. “I don’t feel better. Fuck, Ifeel worse because saying all of that out loud makes me feel like I’mback there. I can even smell him. And it also makes me feel like I’moverreacting. That I didn’t have it as bad as far too many others did.”

“Fates, Sera, you are so wrong about that,” Aios said, sitting beside me, though not too close, likeshe knew I needed a good foot of space around me. Because, of course, she knew.“Yes, some of us experienced worse when he tired of us and tossed us aside, butthat does not mean that what you went through is less than. He held you againstyour will. Put you on display and threatened you. Repeatedly. He manipulatedyou and abused you. He forced you to do things you didn’t want to do. Heassaulted you. And if you hadn’t freed yourself when you did, he would’ve takenwhat he wanted. I know he would have. That is not nothing.”

Flinching, I closed my eyes. “I know. I know it’s notnothing. I do.” I folded an arm over my waist. “I think the hardest thing forme is the lack of complete…control. I had none. And…” I pressed my lipstogether. “Yeah, that’s the part I keep getting hung up on.”

“That’s understandable, Sera. I felt the same way. Wecouldn’t even choose what we wore or when we ate. But we both have controlnow.”

We did.

“Last night, I had…I don’t know. It was like I was suddenlyback there. I lost control, and the nota took over.” I pressed my lipstogether. “Nyktos hasn’t fed from me since Ireturned. I’ve offered, but he says he doesn’t need to, and I know that’s notwhy. I freeze up every time, but…” I trailed off, remembering how his lips andflesh had felt earlier. Once again, his skin hadn’t been as cold as it normallywas when he didn’t feed, and I didn’t think it was his body replenishingitself. So, how…?

The nape of my neck tingled, and an image of Rhain formed inmy mind.

Oh, my gods.

I jumped up, startling Aios. “I’msorry. I need to go.”

Aios rose, concern filling herexpression. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I just need to talk to Rhain.” My heart thumped as Iturned to the door but then forced myself to stop. “Thank you for talking tome. I…I know it didn’t make me feel better now, but I think it will.”

“It will,” she said. A moment passed. “I promise.”

Rhain looked up from the parchments he held as I allbut burst into the chamber a few doors down and across the hall from Ash’s.

“Seraphena.” The skin between hisbrows puckered. “Has something happened?”

“No.” I quietly closed the door behind me and crossed thelamplit chamber. My eyes were glued to him, searching for evidence that Ihadn’t hallucinated what my instinct told me. “I need to ask you something.”

“Okay.”

I sat on the cream settee across from the one he was seatedon. “And I need you to be honest.”

His expression immediately smoothed out. “All right.” Heplaced the parchments down on the cushion beside him. “What is this question?”

I eyed him, spotting the sudden tension bracketing thecorners of his mouth. “I think you know what I’m about to ask.”

Rhain folded a knee over the other. “It would be impossiblefor me to know what you are thinking or about to ask.”

“Not this time.” I leaned forward, keeping my voice lowbecause I knew Ash was just down the hall. “And I’m asking you to be honest,not because I am your Queen, but because I am Nyktos’swife.”

The lines around his mouth deepened.

“I haven’t fed him since I returned from Dalos,but there have been times when it’s felt like he’s fed. His skin isn’t as cold.He told me it was because his body was replenishing itself, but I don’t thinkthat’s always the case.” I watched how Rhain kept his expression blank themoment I started speaking. “Have you been feeding him?”

The truth was instantaneous. It was in the slight twitch ofhis right eye.

My heart cracked. “You have been.”

Rhain paled. “You don’t—”

“No, I do know. I do,” I stressed, and Rhain fell quiet.“I’m not reading you. But, gods, I…I still know.”

His jaw flexed, and his gaze moved to the door. “It hasn’tbeen often.”

Another cut sliced across my chest. “Once is too many.”

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