Page 267 of Born of Blood and Ash

Lying down behind me, Ash pulled the blanket up over us. Amoment passed, and then I felt the weight of his arm on my waist. Immediately,my mind wanted to go back to when I was in Dalos, towhen—

No. I pressed my lips together, welcoming the stingof pain as my fangs scraped my lip. It stopped me from putting space betweenus. Even if it felt like I did at that moment, I didn’t want that. We sleptlike this all the time because the feeling of him touching me was comforting.Grounding. It was my thoughts that weren’t.

His chest rose against my back once more. “Sera…”

I heard it all in his voice. “I don’t want to talk aboutit,” I whispered, feeling my nostrils burn.

“Okay. We won’t,” Ash said without hesitation, but I feltthe fine tremor that went through him. “There is something I need to say,though. Something you need to hear. You don’t have to respond. You don’t haveto say anything.”

I squeezed my eyes shut.

“I would give anything to be able to go back and take yourplace. Fucking anything,” he swore. “But I can’t.”

And I was glad he couldn’t because I knew he would.

“All I can do is tell you that nothing—absolutelynothing—has changed between us,” he said. “No matter what happened, it hasn’tchanged how I see you. You’re still the same brave, strong SeraphenaI saw that night in the Shadow Temple. It hasn’t changed how I feel about you.Nothing can. Nothing ever will.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-NINE

Sourness lingered in the back of my mouth asI stood in the dimly lit library.

There had been no almost vomiting this time. Thelate lunch/half-supper I’d eaten hadn’t stayed in me for long.

The only blessing was that Ash hadn’t been present for it,and it had happened so quickly there hadn’t been time for me to feel any sortof anxiety over it. He’d been with Rhain…or maybe Saion and Rhahar.Either way, Ash was now just beyond Lethe, where the army trained. At least,that was what Rhahar had said Ash was doing when Ileft the bedchamber.

He’d been gone when I woke.

Waking up without him by my side reminded me of how it hadbeen when I’d first slept in his bedchamber. He was never there in themornings.

My throat thickened as I stared up at the portraits of Ash’sparents. I’d slept late. Well into the afternoon—no dreams, no nightmares.

I was positive the vomiting had everything to do with lastnight. Okay. Mostly everything. I was also nervous about the prospect ofrandomly shifting again. At this point, anything was possible.

I transferred my weight from one foot to the other, wincingat the dull ache in my thighs and stomach. My muscles were definitely sore fromeither the change or all the running.

Hurling noodles and rice everywhere probably also hadsomething to do with the twinge in my side.

My gaze drifted over Eythos’sfamiliar features. Gods, I still couldn’t believe Ash had been the one to paintthese.

I wasn’t even sure why I’d come here. The library was adark, cavernous place where sadness seemed to cling like dust to the tomeslining the shelves, the portraits, and the furniture. My attention shifted to Mycella.

She was beautiful, and there was little doubt the kindnessin her eyes and the curve of her lips had been exactly as Nektasdescribed.

And she had, at one time, harbored feelings for Kolis.

Disgust rolled through me, and I had to remind myself thatwas before Kolis became who he was today. Even I had seen brief—verybrief—moments of who he used to be.

I didn’t even know why I was thinking about this.

Actually, that wasn’t true. It was because I was doingeverything in my power not to think about the fact that Ash knew way more thanI realized or wanted to acknowledge. And I didn’t know how to deal with that. Ididn’t even know how to deal with myself, other than wanting to take a wirebrush to my skin. And maybe my brain.

It hasn’t changed how I feel about you.

I believed him. I know he loves me. How could I not? He hadbeen willing to set the realms on fire to save me.

But how couldn’t it change the way he saw me? Because it hadchanged the way I saw myself.

I’d thought I had been prepared to handle Kolis. That Icould separate who I was from who I needed to be. After all, I had been groomedto do just that since I was old enough to be sent to the Mistresses of theJade. To lie. Manipulate. Seduce. I should have been able to handle everythingthat happened and then some.

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