I had.
I’d saved him.
“You saved yourself,” he said.
I had.
I had.
“I saved myself before it was…” I trailed off, my mindflashing to Gemma, Aios, and all the other nameless,faceless favorites.
“Before what?” Ash questioned. “Before it was too late?”
“Yes,” I whispered hoarsely, backing up and then walkingforward. “It doesn’t feel like it, though.” I turned, then stopped. “Why doesit feel that way? Nothing happened.”
“Stop saying that nothing happened, Sera!”
“It’s the truth, godsdamnit!” Iscreamed.
And it was the truth.
Nothing had really happened to me. I was lucky.
Ash was on his feet in the blink of an eye, the faintoutline of wings appearing behind him. “And I know that isn’t true!” he yelledback, causing every item in the room to tremble. Everything except me. “I sawthe bruises, and I don’t give a shit how he controlled his anger the nexttime.” Shadows spun beneath the flesh of his cheeks. “He hurt you,Sera. He threatened you. He showed you off. And I know whatKolis said he’d do to you if you turned out not to be Sotoria.”
I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t.
“I know Kolis fed from you.” His lips peeled back in a lowsnarl. “And I know—” He stopped himself, his eyes closing again. “I know he iswhy fear seizes you when you feel my fangs—when you never allowed fear to stopyou before.”
The breath I exhaled formed a misty cloud.
“He took that from you,” he seethed. “Whatever youexperienced with him, Sera? It wasn’t nothing. Because I know a part of you isstill there.” His voice trembled. “Still in that cage.”
The breath I took evaporated, and like flint struck againstoil, panic exploded, stoking the Primal essence. It rose in response, floodingmy blood.
A faint tremor rocked the chamber as my fingers began totingle. And…gods, I could feel all these parts inside of me thinning,becoming fragile and brittle. A tremor ran through me.
Ash stiffened, and then everything about him changed. Thehazy outline of his wings collapsed. The frost retreated. The temperatureincreased. But that…
That last part wasn’t him.
It was me.
“It’s okay.” Ash spoke, but he sounded a hundred miles away.“Everything is okay, liessa.” He steppedtoward me, lifting his left arm. There was something on his skin—somethingbluish-red.
Blood.
Dried blood that had seeped from small, half-moon cuts inhis arm. My mouth dried. My nails…
I’d done that.
I’d done that to him. I just hadn’t seen it until now.
Violent energy surged through me, seeping into the air. Theglow of the wall sconces flared through the chamber, brightening until theentire space was filled with light. Bulbs exploded, one after another.
Wind whipped through the open doors, lifting the curtainsand knocking the glasses off the table, causing them to roll against eachother. Causing them to rattle like the chains had as they’d been lifted,stretching my arms until I felt as if they would be torn from their sockets. Mychest heaved, but nothing but the thinnest breath seemed to get through.
“Sera,” Ash said softly as the chandelier swayed above me,casting strange, dancing shapes against the walls. “I need you to slow yourbreathing. Take a deep breath and hold it.”