Page 240 of Born of Blood and Ash

Halting, I slowly turned back to her.

“You grew up without a mother, even though I was under thesame roof.” Her lower lip trembled and then ceased. “I wish it had beendifferent. That I had been better. Paid attention. Spent time with you. Ijust—” She cut herself off, her shoulders tensing. “It doesn’t matter why.”

But it did, didn’t it? Yes, and no.

Her gaze flicked to the lit gardens. “When I believed youhad died, all I felt was anger. Not at you, but at me.” Her chin lifted anotch. “I just want you to know that.”

I eyed her, unsure if she spoke the truth. If I wanted to, Icould look into her soul like I had done with Eamon, the guard, but I resisteddoing so. It wouldn’t tell me if she was being truthful or attempting to getinto my good graces now that I was the true Primal of Life, but…

“Why did you name me after the Queen of the Vodina Isles?”

Her gaze cut back to mine. “How…?”

“It doesn’t matter how,” I said. “Only why.”

She stared at me for several moments, then blinked. “Yourfather. He told me about the deal before we married. He wanted to give me achance to back out, but I was already so very much in love with him.” Her voicecracked, and she inhaled sharply. “Most would not have shared what he did, buthe was a good man. Caring. Thoughtful. Loyal. You have all his good traits.”She blinked several more times, and I felt the air leave my lungs. “I knew whatI was agreeing to if we had a daughter. Like a child, I hoped that we wouldnot, but that was not what fate had in store for us.” She swallowed again.

“When I held you, you didn’t cry. You just looked up at mewith your father’s eyes, and I knew what you would face. I knew—or at least Ibelieved—how it would end for you. You would need to be strong, tenacious, andeven vicious to succeed. Just like the warrior Queen—the Silver Knight—whofought beside her King and slayed her enemies.” Her fingers fluttered to thejewel at her neck. “I thought it would be a fitting name.”

It was.

In more ways than one.

I tipped my head back, seeing the gold veining in theceiling. Gods, I didn’t know what to say or how to even feel. I wanted to letit go like I had with Ezra, but my mother was different.

However, I was also different now.

“I get it,” I said, closing my eyes. “On some level, I getwhy you were the way you were. The deal. My father.” Lowering my chin, I openedmy eyes and met her stare. “But I don’t know if I can ever forget all of that.”

“I know,” she whispered.

The back of my throat stung, and what I admitted to her nextshocked me. “But I…I don’t think I would have survived all I have—and, gods, ithas been a lot,”—my voice broke as my thoughts flashed to Kolis and thenTavius—“if I only had my father’s traits. They didn’t get me through any of it.My stubbornness and will? Even my temper?” I laughed hoarsely. “Those weren’tonly the traits of the Queen you named me after. They are also yours.”

My mother had gone completely still and silent.

“I’m not sure what that says or even means at the end of theday, but I…I would like to be able to forget. To let it all go,” I said. And,gods, the truth I spoke did something miraculous. A little bit of the weightthat was always on my chest lifted. I took a deeper breath. “I don’t know muchabout my father and would like to learn more. Perhaps you can tell me about himwhen I return.”

The former Queen of Lasania—thelast Princess of the Vodina Isles, my mother—didn’thesitate. “I would like that,” she said. “I would like that very much.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-FIVE

“You’re very quiet,” Nektasnoted as we entered the gardens.

“I’m just thinking.”

“Are they good thoughts?”

Passing the statue of Maia, I nodded. “They are.”

“Relieved to hear that,” he said. “Your mother is…”

“Something else?”

The sound that came from him was part laugh and part growl.“That is one way of putting it.”

A surprisingly wry grin tugged at my lips. I was stillprocessing everything that had happened with my mother. We hadn’t talked long,but it felt like a major step in a good direction. I wasn’t sure what theoutcome would be. There was a lot of messy stuff to sift through, but I meantwhat I said. I wanted to move on. Let go. And I wanted to have realconversations with her. Maybe I would tell her what had happened before myfather died, what he’d attempted to do. Though I didn’t think that would bring herany peace.

“Your sister is very inquisitive,” he said as we stoppednear the nepeta blue.

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