Page 20 of Born of Blood and Ash

But something went wrong when Eythosstruck that deal with the desperate Roderick Miereland placed the embers and Sotoria’s soul in mybloodline. I wasn’t reborn as Sotoria, and the embersbecame mine. Those two things were only the start of what had gone sidewayswith Eythos’s plan.

“They were expecting me to Ascend to be the true Primal ofLife, but I didn’t,” he said, propping his cheek up with a fist. “You did.There is no changing that, Sera.”

“I get that. I’m just…” Words I shouldn’t speak bubbled up.“I never desired to be a Queen or to rule anything or anyone.” I sat up then,pulling my knees to my chest. Ash followed suit as I said, “I never wanted thatkind of power, and I still don’t. But I understand this cannot be changed. Ijust don’t know how I’m supposed to be a Queen, let alone the Primal of Life.”

Extending an arm, he brushed his fingers over the curve ofmy cheek. A faint charge of energy followed the contact. “Just be yourself.”

I barked out a short laugh. “Really? Do you think that’sgood advice? Because being myself usually ends with me punching someone whenthey irritate me, and that doesn’t sound like queenly behavior.”

His lips twitched. “Depending on how irritating they are,I’m not sure I’d have a problem with that. But that’s not all you are.”

“Ah, yes. When I don’t want to punch someone, I’m panickingand thinking I can’t breathe,” I said as he tucked a few strands of hair behindmy ear. “And yes, I know I’m saying this stuff because I’m anxious. But knowingthat doesn’t mean I can stop myself from thinking it.” I huffed out anaggravated breath. “You’d think Ascending into the true Primal of Life wouldmean I wouldn’t have to deal with out-of-control anxiety anymore.”

“This anxiety?” he said. “I told you before that Lathanexperienced something similar.”

My heart ached at the mention of the friend who’d beenkilled while watching over me in the mortal realm. Lathan used to experiencethe feeling of not being able to breathe before falling asleep as a child,leading him to believe it was the sekya.Obviously, that wasn’t the case. It had been all the things that lingered inthe back of his mind, catching up to him when his thoughts were finallyquiet—something I had firsthand experience with. The godling hadn’t grown outof it. He had simply learned to manage it. How? I wished I knew because noteven my new ability of foresight spewed out the answer.

“It didn’t make him weak or somehow less than,” Ashcontinued. “As I told you before, he was as strong and recklessly brave as youare. The anxiety he had was just a part of him. Like it’s only another part ofyou.”

“There sure are a lot of parts to me,” I mumbled.

“But the rest of who you are?” he continued, skipping overmy comment. “The rest of you is brave and strong. Clever, loyal, and far kinderthan you give yourself credit for. You were more than worthy of being a Consortto the Shadowlands, and you are more than worthy of being the true Primal ofLife and the Queen of the Gods.”

Giving his words time to sink in, I hoped they stuck. “Thankyou.”

“You don’t need to thank me for speaking the truth,” hesaid, slipping his fingers through the strands of my hair. “Nor should you everfeel like something is wrong with you—especially when it comes to this. Anyonewould be nervous.”

“Would you?”

“Yes.”

The corners of my lips compressed as I shot him a sidewayslook.

“I would be, Sera. It’s a lot of responsibility to carry.”His fingers sifted through my hair some more. “It’s a lot of power.”

It was a lot of power. And authority that could bewielded in the worst ways. Kolis was proof of that. Still, anyone could fallprey to misuse. Common sense told me that my temperament would likely make memore vulnerable to such.

But it wasn’t merely an abuse of power where things could gowrong. It was also the failure to use that authority and know when and how.Would my intuition kick in and guide me? Or would that also be something I hadto figure out? I didn’t know, and it all sort of terrified me.

“What are you thinking?” Ash asked quietly, curling strandsof my hair around a finger.

“I…I don’t know.” My eyes closed. That was a lie. “I justdon’t want to disappoint anyone.”

“You won’t,” he stated without a second of hesitation.

“I feel like you have to say that.”

His forehead creased. “No, I don’t.”

“You’re my husband,” I pointed out. “So, yes, you do.”

“I want to be supportive because I’m your husband. Notbecause I have to,” he corrected, and I thought I melted a littleright there. “And while I don’t know much about relationships, I think I knowenough to recognize that lying to you isn’t being supportive.”

I didn’t know much about relationships either, but I thoughthe was right.

“I know they will not be disappointed in you, Sera.” Hetugged gently on the strand of hair he toyed with. “Ask me how I know.”

“How do you know?”

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