Page 190 of Born of Blood and Ash

“It was said in front of you, wasn’t it?” he asked.

“Yes.” I opened my eyes and willed my heart to slow. “It wasbefore Ione gave Kolis the confirmation that I was Sotoria.”

Ash went quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry.”

A tremor shot through me. “You don’t need to apologize. Itwas just a threat—an empty one at that.”

“It wasn’t empty,” he said, his voice roughening. “It wasbefore Ione? That means you had no idea she would lie for you. His threat was areal possibility. And that…” He cleared his throat. “It had to be terrifyingand enraging.”

It had been.

“And you must have felt trapped.”

I had.

I’d felt cornered and helpless.

“I know I did when he ordered me to feed—and to keepfeeding—until there was no life left in those he turned me on after I pissedhim off for something so irrelevant I can’t even recall what instigated hisfury now.”

My breath caught as I looked at him.

“Sometimes, it was gods who hadn’t even entered theirCulling. I used to wonder what they’d done to earn such a fate until I realizedthey had likely done nothing—or something insignificant.” He stared at theceiling, his hands resting just below his chest. “If I refused—which I hadbefore, though only once—I learned quickly.”

“What…what did he do when you refused?”

“He killed three gods.”

“Gods,” I rasped.

Ash’s chest rose with a heavy breath. “So, that was mychoice. Were three lives worth me refusing to take one? I decided it couldn’tbe. And for a long time, I didn’t know if I had made the right decision.”

“That’s an impossible choice to make,” I told him, my heartaching. “I would’ve chosen the same.”

“Yeah, and you would also wonder if you had made the rightdecision,” he said, and I didn’t need to confirm that. He was right.

“How many times did he make you do that?”

“Hundreds.”

Shock doused the rising anger, but I could still feel itbuilding in the air around me. It took me a moment to get it under control. “Iwant to kill him.”

“As do I.”

“Those deaths are not on your hands, though.” My fingers duginto the blanket.

“I know that.” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “But every sooften, I dream of being in Dalos, feeding and feelingthe heart stutter and stop. Feeling the anger and desperation as I searched fora way out of what I was being made to do. I don’t think about it as much asbefore, but yeah, that shit can haunt.”

“I’m so sorry.” Tears stung my throat. “But I was lucky,Ash,” I whispered. “I wasn’t forced to do anything like that.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Evander?”

A jolt of surprise ran through me. “How do you know abouthim?”

“Keella told me when we were inthe Thyia Plains before you woke up.”

Gods.

I couldn’t be mad at Keella, but Iwished she hadn’t said anything. “It wasn’t like that.”

---