Page 140 of Born of Blood and Ash

My head jerked back. “Why?”

“Because instead of spending time threatening the Arae andthen fucking, I should’ve been thinking.”

“I’m not sure I can agree with that second part,” I said.

A wry grin appeared as he picked up his glass again. “If Ihad stopped for a moment to think about it, I would’ve realized there was achance that Kolis would pull something like this. I could’ve prepared you forhaving to make an offer. We would’ve talked it through.”

Could’ve. Would’ve. I hated those words.“I don’t think any of us believed Kolis would demand a meeting or offer adeal,” I reasoned.

“But I know him. I should have expected this.” His gaze cameback to mine. “From the moment we met in the Garden District, you have alwaysbeen the stab-first-and-ask-questions-later type.” He dropped his hand. “Inboth the figurative and literal senses.”

My lips pursed.

“You’ll strike first before anyone else can get the upperhand,” he added. “You’re not one to give many a chance.”

“I can’t exactly deny that,” I said.

“That’s changed.”’

“I…I don’t think that’s how a Queen would behave,” Iadmitted.

He took a drink. “And how does a Queen behave, Sera?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “But lashing out and potentiallyworsening the situation probably isn’t it.”

“Dealing with Kolis will always be a situation thatworsens,” he replied. “And what did I say before, when you said you didn’t knowhow to be a Queen? I didn’t say act how you think a Queen should. I told you tobe yourself.”

“I remember.”

“Were you yourself when you offered him that deal?” heasked.

Yes? No? I wasn’t sure. But what I did know, or at leastwhat I thought I knew, was that I needed to be a less…stabbyversion of myself now that I was Queen.

“Are we going to accept his deal?” he asked in the silence.

My lip curled. “Absolutely, not.”

“But what if Kolis accepts the deal, Sera?” he continued.“Are we really going to let him run around? Trust that he will keep to hisword?”

I drew my tongue over the back of my teeth. “That’s what Ioffered.”

Ash’s eyes flared with eather.“And?”

“And it won’t be easy. Many will not be happy, but they willbe…unhappily alive.”

“Is that really what you want?” he asked.

“No.” My free hand dropped to my side. “I want to make himbleed and dance in his blood. I want to fucking hurt him and, if I could, killhim. That is what I want.”

A savage grin appeared. “That is the Sera I know.”

“But does that make us better than him?” I asked. “I don’tknow if it does or doesn’t, but if a war comes, I don’t want it to be us whostarts it,” I said, and I wasn’t sure if that was necessarily true. I wanted toattack, to go hard at Kolis, but I couldn’t be that monstrous version ofmyself. “Even if the threat of disturbing the Ancients wasn’t at stake, I don’twant there to be a war at all.”

“Neither do I.”

“You don’t, but you have been building an army andtaking the necessary steps,” I pointed out. “You were probably preparing forwar before I was born. I haven’t been. I haven’t been preparing for any ofthis.” I swept my arm out. “And I just did what I thought was right—”

“I don’t think what you did was wrong.”

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