Page 39 of Bitter Sweet Love

My eyes widened. “It is?”

He placed a large hand on my cheek. “I wasn’t with anyone else because I couldn’t be. I didn’t want to be, because I always knew I was going to come back to you. There was never a doubt in my mind.”

“Never?” I whispered.

“Never.” He dropped his forehead to mine and breathed in unsteadily. His lips brushed my cheek, causing a shiver to rush across my skin. “I loved you the night you brought me pudding and stayed with me until I fell asleep. That was eleven years ago and my love for you has never faded, Jas. Not for one second.”

Oh, Lord, my heart escaped me, floating through the roof, up among the stars, but I didn’t understand. “Then why did you leave me without saying anything? Not even a goodbye?”

He closed his eyes, spreading his hands on either side of my neck. “I needed to find the demon responsible for attacking my clan—killing my parents.”

Stunned, I slipped free, the backs of my thighs hitting the side of the bed. “You went after the demon?”

His hands dropped to his sides. “I followed up leads, tracked the bastard across the country. He’d left California for a while, but that’s where I finally found him again.”

Placing my hand against my chest once more, I drew in a deep breath. “And you confronted him?”

“I killed him.”

My brain had stopped working. He’d spent three years tracking the demon responsible for massacring his clan? My father’s words made sense now. Dad had known what Dez was doing.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I asked.

A slight smile appeared. “You would’ve tried to stop me.”

“Damn straight I would’ve!” For some ridiculous reason, I wanted to cry. “You could’ve been killed!”

“I could be killed any night, Jas.”

“But that was different! You were out there by yourself. No one had your back.” Tears burned the back of my eyes, which was so stupid, because he obviously wasn’t dead. He was standing right in front of me. “Why did you need to do this?”

The smile slipped away, as if it had never been there. “You know how I was. So full of hate and anger. I needed to clean it out.” He palmed my cheeks. “I knew if I told you why I was leaving and you told me not to, I wouldn’t have been able to go.”

I wanted to push him away and I wanted to grab him and hold him close. Forever. “My dad knew?”

“Yes.” He pressed his lips to my temple. “It’s why I never called you or told you when I got back. It’s not a good enough excuse—it’s a shitty one, but I knew you would want me to stop... and that once you knew what I was doing you’d think differently of me.”

I blinked my stupid tears. “It was a shitty excuse, but you could’ve called me. You not doing so made me think differently of you. Not because you wanted to avenge your clan’s murder. You’re an idiot.” I laughed because I didn’t know what else to do. “For three years I thought you ran to escape me.”

“God, I hate that you ever thought that,” he said. “You were just so strong. You lost your mom. You saw her die, but you were strengthened by it. You didn’t let the hate swallow you up. I would’ve. I’m not proud to admit that, but...”

My hands shook as I wrapped them around his wrists. “But what?”

“But when your father announced his intentions for us, I knew I had to purge myself of the rage, because loving you... loving you was bittersweet,” he whispered against my lips. “Because I knew if I didn’t do this, if I didn’t get all the hatred out of me, I would never be the mate you deserved.”

“Oh, Dez.” My breath caught. “I...”

“I know it’s probably too little, too late.” He kissed me softly, just a brush of his lips, and then pulled back, his fingers trailing down my face. “But what I’ve told you is true. And like I said before, I’ll wait. No matter how long it takes to prove that I do love you, I will.”

So much was running through my head that it took a moment for me to process everything. “Too late? Dez, it’s not too late. God, we’ve both made such a mess of things.”

He opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened his mouth again. “What are you saying?”

There were so many things I was trying to tell him, but words or the lack thereof had been our problem all along. Either we weren’t telling each other what was really going on or we were saying all the wrong things.

Words sucked sometimes.

So I did the one thing that I knew we’d both understand. I crossed the small distance between us and placed my hands on his chest. He watched me intently as I stretched up. Sliding my hands up his chest, I circled my arms around his neck. He shuddered an instant before I pressed my lips against his.

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