Page 63 of The Unraveling

We played Marco Polo for a while, then went to the deep end to play Sharks and Minnows. And that’s when it happened.

I got out of the water to dive back in, and then, as if the sharks were real, one of the other girls shrieked and pointed at me, saying, “Blood!”

I looked down at where she was pointing, my body dripping chlorinated water, me still catching my breath, and saw.

It was streaming down my legs in a diluted cascade.

All the other girls started shrieking and pointing at me, and I felt my eyes begin to well with tears, my throat to fill with a big lump, and my skin to grow fire-hot.

Sadie hoisted herself out of the pool and stood in front of me. She had a voice that could always rise above the rest, and she used it to say, “Hey! Shut up!”

The other girls started to quiet, all of them clinging to the side of the pool as far away from me as possible. “But it’s gross!” said one of them.

“It’s not blood, you idiots, it’s dye from her new bathing suit.” She rolled her eyes theatrically. “It’s just a nice one, so it’s made with red dye. Just because you guys can’t afford it isn’t Jocelyn’s problem. Come on, Jocelyn.”

I was shaking. It wasn’t true, in my gut I knew that, but I almost believed her. The other girls looked shamed.

She wrenched my arm and pulled me with her as we went to the bathroom. Once there, she pulled me into a shower stall and wrenched the shower curtain shut.

“We have a problem,” she said.

“The dye?” I asked, idiotically.

“What? No, I know that’s not true. You just started your period. Is it the first time?”

I hesitated, finally understanding what was actually happening to me. “Yeah.”

“Okay, it’s not a big deal.” She patted me on the shoulder with a wet hand. “I have two big sisters, so I know all about it. I’m going to go get your mom and we’ll figure it out.”

I nodded. The tears started to come and I willed them to wait until she left.

“Oh, it’s okay, Jocelyn,” she said. Her kindness had the adverse effect, and brought the tears tumbling over my lower lashes.

“It’s so embarrassing,” I said.

“It’s not, it’s just your body.” She shrugged. “Those girls believed our little story, so it’s okay. I’ll go get your mom.” She hesitated. “Or…do you want me to get my mom?”

I nodded before even deciding what I wanted.

Five minutes later, Sadie and her mom came to the shower stall where I was sitting on the slimy floor with my legs crossed, feeling like a disgusting, ugly child.

“Sweetie, are you okay?” her mom asked, with enough softness to make me almost start crying again.

Instead, I took a deep breath and nodded.

“Okay,” she said, “do you want me to get your mom?”

I shook my head vehemently.

“Okay. I actually had some trouble finding her on my way in. I’ve got my purse here, we’ve got a few options. It’s all going to be okay!”

She made it sound like no big deal.

Twenty minutes later, I was cleaned up and had a waterproof pad in. I felt like everyone could see it. Like a stupid baby in a dumb diaper.

I walked out of the locker room feeling self-conscious and silly. Sadie’s mom told me I could keep playing and swimming, but I didn’t believe her.

“I just don’t feel like swimming anymore,” I said. I looked around and couldn’t find my mom.

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