Page 19 of The Unraveling

This one was more complicated, a space between the legs and feet but toes going in opposite directions. I did it and glanced at the teacher for approval.

“And fifth,” she said, not giving it to me.

The girls’ hands went in the air, feet slid together. Right heel to left toe. Left toe to right heel.

My heart pounded.

I was in love. I could hardly contain myself. I wanted to run around and jump on things, swing from the bar and watch myself in the mirror in my cute outfit. But I knew I was supposed to be calm and poised, a word my mom had taught me after I didn’t get the last audition.

This was so cool. I felt glamorous and fancy and—oh, I mean, I was just beyond words.

For the rest of class, I copied what all the other girls did. I’d always been a fast learner. In P.E., I always picked up the physical games and things faster than everyone else. I remembered every little note Mrs.O’Hara gave; when she said to shift our shoulder blades down and lift our chins high, the other girls forgot to keep things where they belonged when they shifted from position to position, but I remembered. It was like “The House That Jack Built”—each note and instruction layering onto the last one, and me remembering each and every one. It was a skill of mine, clearly.

At the end of class, I met some of the other girls. They’d all been taking Mrs.O’Hara’s class since they were four or five. I was behind already, but I didn’t mind. Usually, I felt embarrassed when I didn’t have something the kids around me had, but I was too happy just being there to feel bad or weird about anything.

When my mom came to pick me up, Mrs.O’Hara walked right over and started talking to her. Fear gripped me—was she going to tell me I was too late? I wasn’t good enough? That I should have joined her class two years ago if I wanted any sort of chance at being allowed to keep taking it?

I ran over and heard the tail end of what she was saying.

“—truly exceptional. She’s got a natural gift, I’m telling you.”

“Oh, this is just to get her to calm down, learn some manners, get a little more poised.”

My ears pinged the way they always did when I’d recently learned a word and heard it being used.

“To look at it that way would be a mistake, in my opinion,” said Mrs.O’Hara. Both adults were ignoring my presence. “She has a talent, and I think she enjoyed it. It would be a mistake to look at this as something supplemental. I think she should begin classes twice a week to catch up with the other girls, and I don’t think it’ll take long for her to surpass them.”

“Oh, I don’t know…to be quite honest, Mrs.O’Hara, we just can’t afford it.”

Mrs.O’Hara turned to look at me. I had idly propped one of my legs up on the rail and was bending to meet my nose to my knee.

“I’ll tell you what, come in tomorrow and we’ll see what we can work out,” said Mrs.O’Hara, turning back to my mother.

“I also don’t know if—”

“My husband said you thought she might be a prodigy. After he met you at the fundraiser last week, he spoke very highly of you. It’s the only reason I allowed her into my very full class. But it seems you were not exaggerating.”

“Right. Well—”

“Three o’clock.” She then turned and walked away, raising her voice at another girl. “Maria, get your mouth off the floor, absolutely not.”

I took my foot down and ran to my mom. “I loved it, Mom, I loved it! Please let me keep coming. Please? Please.”

“Time to go, come on.”

“You met her husband at a—fun…a fun raiser? What is that?”

She glanced behind her and wrenched me out of the studio and toward the car.

“It doesn’t matter, honey. Did you really like that class?”

I felt the sudden, unexpected urge to cry. My eyes welled with tears, and I nodded. “I loved it, Mommy! It was so fun, I felt like a fairy.” I spun around in a circle.

She looked conflicted, and then squeezed my hand. “Into the car. We can think about it.”

“Mommy, it’s the only thing I’ve ever liked, ever! Ow!”

My skin burned on the hot back seat.

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