Page 38 of The Version You Hide

There are so many red flags relating to this woman’s behaviour, but I chose not to confront her about them because she seems completely harmless. In fact, I welcomed her presence. She exudes a calmness that most people don’t have, an ability to make those around her feel comfortable. Maybe she is just a loner.

I find myself considering her offer to partake in those free classes. I can’t deny that I’m intrigued about learning new techniques. I’ve never had the opportunity to participate in something like that.

Hell, I’ve never really had the chance to take time to do anything but try to survive.

But the bus trip into Seabright Cove would be long and I’m not sure how it would fit into my work schedule at the tavern. I push the idea from my mind as I pack my art supplies into my backpack and head home for dinner.

It starts to sprinkle just as I’m stepping up onto the front porch and when I open the front door, my senses are overtaken by the scent of garlic and rosemary.

I continue down the hall, rounding the corner into the cottage-style kitchen where Kristen is hunched over a baking tray, carving a seasoned lamb roast. Two plates of baked vegetables rest on the island bench beside her.

“It smells delicious in here,” I say, letting my backpack fall to the floor in the corner.

She looks up from the leg of lamb, aiming a warm smile my way. “Henley got stuck at a job so it’s just dinner for two tonight. I thought I’d make us a roast.”

“Oh.”

When I’d seen the two plates, I’d automatically assumed that they were for Henley and herself. Not that she doesn’t cook for all of us, but because I hadn’t let her know that I’d be home. I nod subtly, a stab of guilt piercing my chest.

It’s not like we haven’t been on speaking terms or anything, but I’d never really apologised properly for the way I’d treated her the day she told me she was in contact with our father. I know she’s only trying to do what’s best for everyone and most of the time, that can be a real balancing act. Pleasing one person can easily upset the next, and ultimately, she needs to do what’s right for herself too.

She brings her eyes to mine, worry swirling in their depths. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks. It all looks amazing.” I manage a smile, but she sees right through it.

“What’s wrong?” she asks. “You look upset.”

“I do?” My eyes begin to sting with the threat of tears and at first, I’m not even sure why. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

Kristen isn’t buying it. “Mackenzie, you can tell me.”

A tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly swipe it away. I’m not normally this emotional. It feels completely foreign to me.

“They aren’t sad tears, I promise. I’m just… not used to coming home to … this.” I wave a hand at the delicious food my sister has clearly spent hours preparing.

She nods sympathetically. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I never should have snapped at you last week about wanting to talk to Dad. I’m just… I get so angry when I think about him.”

“Hey, you have every right to be mad at him,” she says. “I’m angry too.”

“Why do you want to talk to him then?” I ask her. “How could you ever possibly forgive him?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. Selfish reasons, I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

“There’s a release in forgiveness. I’ve held a grudge for so many years now, it’s like this weight that’s lived inside of me for what feels like forever is finally lifting. And maybe if I can find it in myself to just let go, I could be free of it.”

I nod slowly, contemplating her words. “I guess that makes sense.”

I know what she means. I know that sinking weight she describes and it sure would be nice to release some of it. I just can’t see it happening in the foreseeable future.

“Maybe I need to forgive him because it’s the right thing to do,” she continues. “He’s my flesh and blood. Maybe he’s paid for his sins. Maybe he’s paying for them right now.”

She could be right. Maybe our father being stuck in his own private hell is enough punishment, but it doesn’t make any of it right. It could never make any of it right.

Kristen places the knife down gently on the countertop, then takes a few cautious steps towards me. “And because of you.”

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